Mommymel's World

Math Games- Playing Banker

2012-02-20T09:26:00.006-05:00

I'm recording this here because 1) I have no idea how to pin things to Pinterest, nor do I want pictures and names of my kids floating around on there, and 2) I wanted to share this with some of my other homeschool moms so they can use it, too. We invented a new math game for the kids this morning after trying to find creative ways to teach 1 to 1 correspondance and numeral recognition to Caleb. I noticed they all have a deep and abiding love of coinage and putting things in their piggy banks, so we invented "Banker". There are two versions, one for preschool, and one for school age.

In Caleb's case, on index cards I made card "dollars" with a numeral on each card made to look like a dollar amount (from 1 to 5, in his case). On the back of each card I drew a corresponding number of penny-sized circles (ex, on the 5 dollar "bill" there are 5 circles on the back of the index card), that way he can lay out the appropriate number of pennies in the circle if he has trouble counting them out. Caleb used his magnetic fishing pole to fish for a dollar amount (with paper clips on each "dollar" index card), then he matched the appropriate number of pennies up with the number on the card he fished out. After that, he got to put that number of pennies into a piggy bank, made from a raisin can with a slit in the top.

Here are the pictures:

After that, the girls were clamoring to play, too, instead of doing math worksheets, so I quickly modified the game for them. They're goal lately has been to recall plus 8 and plus 9 math facts (ex- 8+4= , or 9+7= , etc.), so I made more "dollar bills", so that we had numerals 1 thru 9 on the cards, and then I glued a number 8 to one side of a quarter, and a number 9 to the opposite side of a quarter. Their goal was to fish for a "dollar" amount, then flip the coin to reveal either an 8 or a 9. They then had to add up the number from their dollar bill with the number from the coin (ex- they fished up a number 5, and flipped the coin to number 8- meaning they had to sum 5 + 8). When they arrived at the total, they then had to determine the right coins and the right amount for each coin to add up to that total. Since they're very unfamiliar with coin values, I made a guide for them showing that dimes are worth 10, nickles 5, and pennies 1. That way, they got to put the combination of coins that best fit their amount into the bank. (ex- Hannah summed 14, so she wanted more coins than just a dime and 4 pennies, so she decided on 2 nickles and 4 pennies).

The game was wildly successful, and the kids are still up playing without my assistance as I'm typing. Here are the pictures for their version of the game:

You might have Mommy-brain if...

2012-02-02T20:42:00.008-05:00

OK, so this is a list of thinks I thought in the last 24 hours. Seriously... I have not been able to put two thoughts together in a straight line today, and I'm chalking it up to Mommy-brain. If you are familiar with Mommy-brain (the grouchy, caffeine-aholic, not-so-cute-and-cuddly cousin of Pregnancy-brain) then you can relate, I'm sure, but if not, this is what your brain looks like "on kids," in the form of a 24 hour (not organized chronologically because did-you-read-the-first-part-of-this-paragraph?) synopsis of all my lovely screw-ups:

-I shampooed my child's hair twice. Because I couldn't recall if I did it the first time.

-I threw out two batches of baked goods. Because sugar and salt look too darn much alike.

- I lost my broom on three separate occasions. Really? How hard is it to lose a 5 foot stick with a day glow yellow straw tip? Kinda tough to miss, you'd think. I had to send a five-year-old off to find it.

-I discovered I have a delightful form of sleep-deprived language disorder (aphasia) which makes me able only to produce intelligible speech when it is made up of words I shouldn't say in public. Kinda like motherhood-induced Tourettes. (ex- "We gotta go! Get in the .... DOH... DAMMIT... you know... the big 'ole mess with wheels that we take to the library. And where is your... CRAP! You know... the warm thing you wear outside?!!")

- I salted my hubby's veggies for his lunch tomorrow twice. This is because I forgot that I did it the first time, until I noticed that the scene playing out in front of me looked hauntingly familiar. I cannot WAIT for the call at 1 pm tomorrow asking why his lunch tastes funny. And yet, I still haven't fixed said error. Shhh.

- I have been blaming the kids for the shortages of silverware in our drawer, thinking they have been tossing it in the trash when clearing their plates (which, I'll note, is true since I've caught them red-handed doing it), only to notice that I just threw a spoon the trash while clearing my own plate (face-palm, sigh).

So there you have it- Can you relate?

"Shh, I'm working hard to convince her she's lost her freakin' mind. Tee hee!""

If Our Lives Were a Fairytale...

2012-01-18T15:01:00.004-05:00

Hannah, in the eyes of her three-year old brother

Apparently it would be written by the Brothers Grimm.

Caleb's favorite story lately has been "The Three Billy Goats Gruff." I must have read it to him about a million times lately, and today was no exception.

"Read me THIS!" he ordered as I was putting him down for a nap.

"Ooh, let's give the Billy Goats names today, instead of calling them just 'little Billy, middle Billy, and Big Billy,'" I suggested, desperate for a fresh change in the oft-told tale.

"Yeah! That's a ger-ate idea!" (My son says "great" like Tony the Tiger")

"Ok, so this one's Caleb (little Billy), this one's Hannah (middle Billy), and this one's Sarah (big Billy)," I told him.

"NO MOMMA! You're wrong! This one's Caleb (little Billy), this one's Sarah (Middle Billy), and this one's Mommy (Big Billy)."

"Well then, where's Hannah? She's gonna feel left out," I warned.

"She's right here, Momma! (pointing to the Troll)"

So I clarified, "You think Hannah should be a troll?"

"Uh-huh, Hannah's the Mean Troll!"

Sorry Hannah, but somebody had to be the Troll, I guess. Don't worry, you're still Momma's Princess, even if you're a Troll in your brother's eyes ;)

Another Homeschooling Fail, Courtesy of Mommy :)

2012-01-07T20:46:00.005-05:00

I have always dreamed of sharing my love of literature with my children. It's a true joy for me that they can now sit and listen to stories I've loved all my life, and to see them really grasping what they hear. For the last month, they've been listening to me as I read "Charlotte's Web," and we finished the last chapter yesterday evening before bedtime. I'm somewhat ashamed to say I broke into ugly tears on the last paragraph- but I digress...
Tonight, in celebration of completing the story, I got a copy of the movie version for them to have a movie night. They were so thrilled, and all the more so when Ryan made homemade caramel popcorn and they got to decorate little popcorn bags with stickers (have I told you about how I'm repulsed by stickers- my children treat them like diamonds or million dollar bills when they're allowed to use them). It was such a lovely evening!
The girls, in their excitement, also decided to make little puppets for the movie before showtime and during Caleb's naptime. Hannah made a little pink bug on a Popsicle stick, while Sarah decided to make a "spider" for her puppet, though it looked less like a spider and more like a cross between a bumblebee and a centipede. When she proudly brought her "spider" downstairs after the movie to show Daddy, Ryan asked, "Hmm... that's really interesting. Do you know how many legs spider's usually have, Sarah?"
"Sure Daddy, that's easy. Eight!"
"But why does your spider have 16 legs?," he asked.
"He doesn't...see, there's 8 on this side, and 8 on the other," my little sweetie answered.
"Ummm, that means 16 legs... see. One, two...[counting thru 16].

"I guess I probably should have taught her that 8 legs means 4 on each side, huh?," I remarked sheepishly from the kitchen, seeing his barbed look my way. I knew full well the meaning of that look... "Do you teach them NOTHING?!," it said.

So Ryan then turned to Caleb. "Caleb, what has Mommy taught YOU about Spiders, Buddy?"
Caleb's in the midst of hopping and crashing cars into each other, looked up and swiftly answered, "Dey come from SPIDERMAN!"
"Greeeeaaaaatttt job Hunny! You are doing a bang up job teaching!," said my sarcastic love.
...
Another homeschooling fail brought to you by Mommymel. :)
(I swear I really taught them a lot more about spiders, and basic addition/mathematics... really! If it weren't Ryan doing the asking, I bet they could spit out tons of incredibly accurate facts [she said while rolling her eyes, ugh!])

My boy is going to heaven IN STYLE...

2011-12-21T06:52:00.002-05:00

Storytime at night is always a precious time. One of us takes the girls in one room, while the other takes Caleb in his (we switch every other night to get "facetime" with all the kids), and we try to forget the rush to get them in bed and have "us" time, instead focusing on getting in those last few snuggly moments of the day. At least, it's that way on the days they haven't acted like monsters. :)
Last night was an especially snuggly night, and as I read Caleb's Bible story for the evening, he listened more intently than usual. We read Bible stories to the kids and pray before their library-selected story each night, and typically, Caleb is about as interested in his Bible story as he is in any food that is not pizza or mac-n-cheese. He acts like its a serving of brussell sprouts he has to choke down before the main course. But last night he learned about how Jesus loves the little children. After the story, we sang "Jesus Loves the Little Children," and then he looked up at me with those big grey eyes and asked, "Momma, where is Jesus?" I explained how Jesus is in heaven, but he gave us the Holy Spirit to live in our hearts so we can talk to Jesus whenever we want and be close to HIM. Big stuff for such a little guy, I know, but what can I say, I'm not great at explaining major theological issues with three year olds on the fly.
Caleb's, ever concerned with matters of transportation, then asked, "Momma, how'r we gonna get to heaven with Jesus?"
"When it's time, he's gonna come get us and fly us off to heaven with him"
"But how?"
"He just can, Buddy. I'm not sure how it works really."
And then he presented his Grand Plan...
"Well Momma, what's gonna happen is, I'm gonna save a seat on my Space Shuttle for Jesus, and when we go to heaven I'll drive and Jesus will sit next to me n' Daddy, and you and Sissies will sit in the back. But you won't be scared cuz I'll give you flashlights."

And there you have it: Caleb's grand plan for how to get to heaven. Thousands and thousands of years of theology, and my boy solved all the problems in a second or two. Ah, the sweet perfect faith of a child.

The 6 a.m. wake-up call...

2011-12-16T06:56:00.005-05:00

I LOVE my sleep. I LOVE to lay dreaming and resting, and when I wake, I like to wake just after 7. I know others like to wake earlier, but others. are. crazy! And by others, I mean my little early-rising peanuts. Apparently their internal alarm clock is set to 6, but I can't figure for the life of me why.
I remember being that age and having the same issue... 5:30 am would roll around and I'd just be laying their waiting to be allowed out of my room to go take over the world, but now I guess I'm out of touch because I just want them to be quiet and leave me the heck alone at that time. You don't poke a sleeping bear, do you? So don't BUG me!
Mean, I know.
Last night, we told Caleb not to bother Mommy at night (for about the 400 thousandth night in a row, sigh), since he spent the previous evening calling me to play from 1 am till 4 am when he finally diegned to fall asleep again. Our instructions last night were as follows: "Do NOT call for Mommy unless you are hurt or on fire. Got it Caleb?"
"Djess"
"When can you call Mommy?"
"If I'm hurt or on Fi-er" (add adorable eyelash batting and your mental picture is complete)
"Good, Night night!"

Soooooo...
6:15 a.m. this morning I hear in a lowing, plaintive voice:
"Mooooooommmmmmyyyyyyy! I'm on FIIIII-EEEEERRRR! "
Knowing full-well he was not on fire, I snickered and endeavored to ignore him and return to dream land.
But he continued. The boy repeated that he was on fire about 30 times before I finally lost my schmidt and stomped off to his room.

"What!? YOU ARE NOT ON FIRE!"
"Is it wake up time yet? I'm on fi-er. (eyelashes: bat bat)"
"UGH! GO. TO. SLEEEEEEEEP!"

And so the battle continues, until either I win, and he begins a kinder-gentler sleep cycle (see: teenage years), or I give up and allow him and his sisters (who while away their morning time singing (screaming??) garbled versions of radio tunes) to wake up and take over the world according to their wishes. I think they're winning. Dammit.

"What're we going to do today, Brain?" ... "Try to take over THE WORLD!"

It's the little things I'll miss...

2011-12-04T21:35:00.004-05:00

My little buddy Caleb turned three this past Friday. Something about that rings of sadness for me. Not a baby anymore. Not gonna need me so much soon.

I know, I should be jumping and shouting, I mean, the boy didn't even sleep thru the night consistently until he was 2 1/2, so I should be utterly thrilled he does that now. And he's fully and completely potty trained, which is just awesome. I'm tickled to get rid of his diaper pails, his extra wipes containers, etc. And he's riding a "big boy bike" he got for his birthday... so no more stashes of tricycles hogging space in the garage. I could go on for the benefits,...

but...

I also have to sell my glider rocker. The one I so lovingly (and at times grudgingly with tears of sleep deprivation) rocked my downy-haired boy on night after night during feedings. We just don't need it anymore. But there in that chair, I conjure remembrances of his sweet baby aroma, his adorable coos, and his wiggly games as he attempted to escape my lap during bedtime stories.

Already long gone are his crib, his onesies, his baby spoon/fork sets... and on the chopping block now are added his strollers, smaller carseats, and various baby toys. His board books went to a friend this week. Sigh.

As a trade, I now have this wonderfully independant, immensly charming little stinker. He's just an awesome kid, and not a day goes by that Ryan and I don't share a glance across the room at each other and find each other beaming when we've seen him doing something hilarious, something new, or something brilliantly mischevious. He's crossing into worlds of imagination that I relish joining him in to get away from the adult world. Worlds where superhero's reign supreme and all dragons are either vanquished, or squashed to their end by an even more Terrible Caleb-Monster, depending on which part in his mind-stories he has chosen to play in that day. Race cars bring adventure, and fires beg to be quenched with sisters to be rescued.

And he's trying so hard to care like his sisters about learning new things in school, though his interest still lasts a mere 5 minutes. He'll joyfully declare "I know all my (colors, numbers, etc.) now!" after getting just one right, only to go woefully wrong with the next question, with sisters and Mommy snickering nearbye but still cheering him on all the more for the next attempt. He's shy like his sisters were at this age at first with new folks... but then after about 5 minutes around people, he'll open up with some of the most charming, hilarious conversation topics- the boy can really work a room with is humor and sparkling eyes.

His boundless energy is unbelievable. The boy never actually requires a nap, though he gets one each day so I can keep up with him... it's Mommy who needs the break, not him, and we both know it. And, like the lovely three-nager his sisters were, he's boldly and unashamedly trying defiance on for size, now shouting "NO! I. Don't. Want. To. and I'm. NOT. Gonna!" when told to do things with an adorable but maddening little foot stomp accompanying each syllable. He always backs down still, but it's funny because he always puts up a good fight first.

Maybe not so much for "Daddy-big-spanking-hands", but he at least works a good fight for "Mommy-butterfly-kisses-style-pitiful-spankings". ;)

He's such a little GUY, too, which brings so many humorous smiles to my life. He's delighted that he can now pee standing up like a man, relishes any-and-all guy role models (superheros, especially Spiderman, are the awesomest, to him), farts with joyous glee, and rapturously tortures his sisters to no end.

And much to Ryan's chagrin, he's definitely left-handed like his Mommy (tee hee).

I can't wait to see what my little guy will be like in the years to come, but it's just so tough to say goodbye to baby stages.

Until I remember the sleep deprivation.

THANK YOU SO MUCH CALEB FOR LEARNING TO SLEEP!

Now could you please do it past 7 am? Just once in a while?

My child is an Evil Genius...

2011-11-14T18:37:00.005-05:00

Or I'm really dumb- you choose. Either way, an almost-three-year-old bested me tonight...

Caleb and I were having our usually dinnertime exchange tonight after his first 2 bites of dinner..."Mommy, can I be done now?"
"NO!"
"Pleeeeeease, I wanna be done. How many more bites?"
"No! Eat your food, I'm not doing this again tonight (I said, knowing full well that we do this same routine every.single.night)...
(1 minute later)
"Can I be done?"
"NO!"
(20 minutes of the same routine repeated over and over again later)
"Can I be done NOW?"
"Caleb, you are going to make me so mad I turn purple. Do you want that?" (I asked, in perhaps my stupidest moment yet)
"YES! Purple Mommy, Purple!"
(Hand to face, Mommy's shoulders sink in failure)
"Caleb, that was not a goal, that was a threat. I'm not going to turn purple. Your going to make Mommy so mad that it's gonna make Mommy nuts. That's not a good thing Bud. Now EAT!"
"NO! Turn purple!"
"No, I'm not turning purple, and that's final!"
"PLEEEEEASE turn purple Mommy!"
"NO!"
(1 blissfully quiet minute later)
"Can I be done now? How many more bites?"
"CALEB! STOP IT AND EAT"

... then, from the living room I hear Ryan chime in: "Wow, he's good! Manipulative like his Daddy. You turned right purple there"

Yes, my boy is an evil genius. He has learned just how to make me change color on cue.

(What Mommy imagined happened next. )

Lost in Translation

2011-11-05T17:39:00.003-04:00

This evening we were listening to the holiday music channel while cleaning the dinner table (Christmas music already, Oh bliss!), when I looked up at the crawl at the bottom of the screen and learned something interesting I wanted to share with the kids...
"Neat! Did you know that legos were named LEGO after the danish words 'Leg Godt' which means 'Play Well'? I never knew where they got their name."
Hannah: "What's Danish?"
Mom: "It's the language people speak in Denmark."
Hannah: "What's Denmark?"
Sarah (in her "duh!" voice): "Ugh, you know, that place we go shopping all the time."
Mom: ??
Mom: "Sarah, do you mean 'Walmart?'"
Sarah: "No Mommy, I think it's called 'Denmart,'... I'm pretty sure. Right, Hannah?"
Hannah: "Yup!"

It's seems I'm wrong. Two against one- it's only fair, right?

Entropy

2011-10-28T07:44:00.007-04:00

This last weekend at church my Pastor talked about Entropy and the laws of Thermodynamics (don't fear, he's more interesting that it sounds :))... I never really knew what the term meant, since I have mentally blocked out that portion of my high school years, but apparently, entropy is a principle relating to how much chaos there is in a system. (*Now hunny, if you read this and I got that wrong, suck it. I can live with my wrong-ness until I have to teach the kids high school science. It's the beauty of homeschooling, I get to re-learn everything anyway.). So I was pondering Chaos yesterday while doing housework, and I realized that I now have something to blame for my housework woes (other than my family, that is). Here's the short list of examples of how entropy is making my life more difficult each day:

-With laundry, as soon as you get used to righting inside-out shirts before folding them, inevitably you'll pick up a right-side-out shirt, turn it inside-out, and then have to switch it back again. Entropy.

- As soon as you clean floors, milk WILL be spilt. And yes, I do cry over it thank-u-very-much. Entropy.

- As soon as the kitchen's clean, dishwasher unloaded, and sink is empty, it's time to cook again and mess the dang thing up again. Entropy.

- Laundry all done and put away? Someone's gonna pee their pants. Why? ENTROPY.

- As soon as your hands are covered in cooking goo (eggs, bread dough, flour breading, etc.) someone WILL need hollar, "Mommy, I gotta go POO POO right now!" - Damn you entropy!

And don't even get me started on crumbs and sand on my floor.

"You threw up where!?? Suuuuuuper!"

And my kids... definitely experts on entropy. Heck, I'd even go so far to call them AGENTS of entropy. Their weapons in the fight against orderliness? Playdough, peanut-butter-and-Jelly sandwiches, kazoos, glitter, tempura paint, full milk glasses, and, lest we forget, poorly timed digestive outbursts.

So in sum, thank you Pastor Frank, for giving name to the force that shapes my days, keeps me addicted to caffienated drinks, and sucks the nice-mommy-ness out of me. I also plan to blame entropy for my fluffy midsection, the need for padded bras, and those white hairs I keep pulling out. Believe me, it's much nicer to blame (poorly understood) thermodynamic principles than to go on a compulsive cleaning rampage, swearing at my family and digging thru closets full of stuff better off buried anyway. And in the meantime, I'll keep singing this song, cause it sums up what gets me thru the toughest days, when Entropy carries a sledgehammer thru my otherwise peaceful world...

Sarah's got a new name...

2011-10-04T20:11:00.002-04:00

This last weekend we were camping at Lake Gaston, and what a lovely weekend it was! On the first evening, while we were huddled around the campfire and the kids munched marshmallows, my dad decided to try to give the kids new nicknames because he' s silly and a bit wierd and funny that way. "I'll call you 'Peanut'," he christened Hannah. "I'm PEANUT!," she announced proudly to the rest of us. Sarah, not to be outdone or left out, couldn't quite wait for her Papaw to name her. She squirmed in her chair as best she could waiting while Papaw pointed at her and mused, "Hmmm... what should I call you?"
"Pinch-nut!" she declared. "Call me PINCH-NUT!"
Somewhere behind her was the sound of my mother, Ryan, and I falling out of our chair with giggles. Papaw was, as yet, unawares, since he can't hardly hear a word they say. He giggled too, though, once we hollered it to him. ;)
Meanwhile, after about a million "Pinchnut" jokes throughout the weekend and a day or so, Sarah offered up the evening blessing before our meal. Her Nonnie, as we call my mom, was so impressed with Sarah's prayer that she declared, "She's my little evangelist, that one."
"Just call her 'Pastor Pinchnut'!," I stated.
And so, "Pastor Pinchnut," she is.
The End. Snort.

All Sugar and Spice and... Dynamite?

2011-09-21T19:21:00.008-04:00

I fear that I may have misrepresented my girls' innocence in the little war we have daily in my house when I wrote this post (click for link). So I felt I should set the record straight, lest someone think that Caleb is the only troublemaker in our home. In truth, all three of them are prone to behaving like small arab terrorists on a jihad-like quest to make their enemy bleed or make Mommy's head explode as a random side-effect of their *terrorism.
So I've compiled a list of the girls' tricks and trouble-making for your further enjoyment. They usually work as a team at most of this, with Caleb as their target. In my little Buddy's defense, I figured I should even out the scale a bit by recording a little sampling of his sisters' favorite torture-tactics:

1. Sister-Gate:
Like an amped up, meaner version of "red-rover," the girls will band together as a team to play keep away with Caleb's most favored toys. Poor kid doesn't stand a chance... like the kid from The Shining gazing down the hall at the creepy ghost twins (wanted to post a picture but it scared me too much, so I'll just leave you with your own mental image ;)) In the end, he usually just squeals and runs off, but he has been known to hurl heavy objects at their twin Berlin Wall, which just makes me feel bad when I have to punish both the girls AND Caleb.

2. Bunkbed Shut-Out:
Caleb is not allowed on the top bunk of the bunk beds in either his or his sisters' room, and the girls know it and take full advantage. So on those occasions where Mommy makes the girls allow their little brother in on the action in their rooms, they will just flee to a higher altitude for their play, making it impossible for him to join in the fun. For extra brother-torturing fun, they will hurl stuffed animals and pillows at him, which at first is kinda fun to the little guy, until he realizes he can't hurl them back. He has the perfect revenge, though, because while the Rapunzel twins are up in their tower, he can ravage the lower parts of their room and wreak havoc upon their toys ;)

3. Death by Volume:
It's a well-known fact that a five year old girl can achieve heights of vocal volume and pitch that would shock even the most-skilled opera go-er. So when Caleb invades one of the diva's space, the offended girl will usually use her sound forcefield as a weapon, deploying a bone-shattering, angry rant that makes curse words unnecessary. When needed, this weapon can be deployed from the time-out spot across whole clusters of rooms, and does not diminish during a spanking, making it one of the girls' most trusted and oft-used strategies of brother-torture.

I have WRATH!

4. Tattle-torture:

It's kinda not fair that Caleb has to live his life like a parolee with his parole officer breathing down his neck. The sisters feel that it is their job in life to report him for every offense, no matter how trivial, so that Mommy can be the one to inflict pain and punishment. It's their way of making the job of driving Caleb crazy simpler without actually having to lift a finger.

They look sweet and innocent, I know, and usually they're just cute little chuckleheads who sing loud hymns out of tune and dress themselves and their dolls in outlandishly mismatched outfits, but occasionally a dark side appears. I'll never pretend to understand sibling rivalry, having been an only child, but I know God has a sense of humor giving me three kids after spending my childhood up my Mom's rear-end driving her crazy all the time begging for siblings. I think even if Jesus himself were standing right in front of them, one of them would be trying to elbow out the other two to be first in line to meet him. It's just a sibling thing, I guess ;)

*Ok, now I guess I have homeland security flagging me and reading this because of my wording... hi there big tough guys, it's just lil' ole' me spouting my usual snarky mommy-nonsense. No real bad stuff here, I pinky swear!

Overheard in my kids room this morning...

2011-09-15T07:13:00.003-04:00

If you are a mom or dad, don't you just love listening to your little ones over the baby monitor sometimes? It's sanctioned eavesdropping, and the stuff that your kids say when they don't think you're listening is often hilarious. This morning I overheard this conversation between Hannah and Sarah as they were "Teaching" their twin baby dolls:

Sarah, singing to the tune of B-I-N-G-O: There are 7 Continents, Antarctica's the cold one. North America, South America, Australia, Europe, Asia, Africa.

Hannah: Ok, this time you say Koala when I say Australia. This time you say Koala when I say Australia. LISTEN TO MEEEEEEE! THIS TIME SAY KOALA SARAH! SAY IT! SAY IT! SAAAAAYYYYY ITTTTT! SARAH!
Sarah (At the same time Hannah is squealing the above orders to Sarah): I'm gonna sing and not listen to you LA LA LA. North America, South America. LA LA LA. Not listening to youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhahahahahahahahahahaha! Australia, EUROPEASIAAFRICA!

Sarah: I'm not gonna talk to you or play with you ever again!
(5 second pause)

In unison: Ok, now listen kids, "[both kids break into a song rendition of the Lord's Prayer]"

Sarah: Ok, now this time, we're gonna learn another song about God so you can know about God, and Hannah, if they don't sing, you smash their heads together.
Hannah: Oooh, I'll smash em and send em to jail.

I had to stop listening at this point from giggling so hard in the hall outside their door (I moved from my spot at the monitor so I could hear better). I swear I've never smashed a head or even threatened them mildly for not participating in lessons, so where do they come up with this stuff. My kids are nuts!

Communication breakdown

2011-09-08T21:03:00.006-04:00

Communicating with a 2 year old boy is an experience akin to speaking English to someone who speaks Swahili. Not to brag, but my little guy has better than average communication skills for his age, not by any wonderful-speech-therapy-mommy methods of my own, but rather out of his own cleverness and need to make himself heard. Nevertheless, he still has his moments. Today, while trying to usher the littles outside for playtime, Caleb just insisted that he needed to bring his ball outside. "No problem Buddy," I replied, "which one?"
"My ball"
"Ok, which one Caleb?"
"The bally-ball!"
"What bally ball?!"
"The round one."
"...(Stunned, stifled-laugh silence)...Can you be more specific?"
"The one that bounces!"
"Ohhhkayyy, that's closer to helpful, but they all bounce... just tell me which ball you want... do you want the tennis ball?"
"NO!"
"The Basketball?"
"NO!"
"What color ball was it? Wait a minute... you call everything purple... let's see... was it the one with Buzz Lightyear?"
"No! The one that goes in the street!"
"THEY. ALL. DO. THAT!"
(four minutes of frustrated guesses later...)
"Let's just look in the toybox for it" We shuffled thru the toybox for about 5 seconds before he noticed the same foam basketball that he was looking at 5 seconds before this all started...
"Der it Is! I got it Mommy!" and off he trotted happily outdoors.
As I shuffled outdoors, bitterly I thought of all the wonderful things I could have done with those 5 minutes of my life while trying to sort out what my adorable little imp was wishing for ;) Reminds me of an old skit I loved of Abbot and Costello...

Abbot & Costello Who's on First by jwj

First day of School 2011!

2011-09-07T13:00:00.004-04:00

We're up and rolling for the 2011-2012 school year, and off to a good start. This week we are beginning by reading "Papa Piccolo," a story about an Italian cat in Venice who adopts 2 wayward kittens, so naturally we're starting out by learning lots of fun stuff about Italy. Meaning, ITALIAN FOOD! Today we started lapbooks for our book-of-the-week, then created a map of Italy and the girls drew pictures of themselves in a gondola. Then we made Pizza, which included great lessons related to the science of making dough and identification and use of simple common fractions (1/2, 1/4, 1/8), as well as learning the difference between "teaspoon", "tablespoon" and "cup". For the remainder of the week we'll be learning new vocabulary (like "gondola," "canal," and "barge"), becoming familiar with a few simple italian words, making spaghetti, and learning about perserverance (a trait highlighted in the story) with related bible verses. The kids also started their reading and mathematics lessons, and I was excited to see how much they recalled from last year.

On the down side, I've already noted a few challenges to our beginning year...

For one, I've got to figure out how to keep our school time short enough so that everyone also gets time outside to play and Caleb can have the attention he needs during and after school time.

Also, I'm noticing the kids are going to have to learn patience and waiting skills, as today was pretty much a free for all of interrupting, "mommy can you ____?" and "MY TURN!"

And lastly, to be honest, my patience level is going to need a major overhaul. I notice I get so easily overloaded when everyone is talking (loudly), calling out for me or whatever is needed, and demanding my attention. I know regular teachers deal well with up to 30 kids at a time, so I figure 3 IS do-able, but I've got to just persistantly pray for more patience and a longer fuse :)

All in all, though, it was a positive first day of kindergarten for the girls, and even Caleb had some fun times helping to make pizza, coloring with us during lapbook time, and listening (a little) to the story. I'm excited to see what the rest of the year brings!

Excuses, Excuses

2011-08-29T20:13:00.003-04:00

I suck, I know. I'm the worst blogger ever. I just haven't had the time or the inspiration to write much lately. Summer's been such a blast with the kids that we've just been using all our time enjoying life. Silly me. ;)
And now with school starting next week, who knows when I'll find the time to pop in and write, but I promise I'll try, really I will. Even if it's just to update what we're up to with school. So here's the scoop on us lately: the kids are great... all three have taken to the water this summer like little ducklings, whether it's in the pool or at the lake. And our friends and church buddies must think we've been kidnapped after not seeing us much of the summer, but really, who can resist camping when we do it in such glamorous style (really, we call it "glamping"... you can't call it camping when you have a/c, cable, and hot water on demand, and you do nothing but lay around on a floaty in the middle of the lake all day whilst children whoop with glee and swim endlessly around you).
When we weren't at the lake, we've been either frolicking in the sprinklers out back, splashing in friends' pools, or at the zoo. This is the life.
And now school is ramping up, and though I can't say I'm stoked, I am looking forward to it. This year, in addition to learning at home, the kids are in preschool/kindergarten classes at Grace Academy, a lovely local co-op we discovered last year, and I and my good buddy Lamanda will be teaching the girls' class of romping, stomping 5 year olds. I'll be teaching more of the "Five in a Row" curriculum at home, and supplementing with Math-U-See and reading instruction. Sarah starts 2nd Grade Hooked on Phonics, while Hannah is working on improving her phonemic awareness skills and simple sight word recognition with some kindergarten level readers thrown in. Sarah just sails thru reading and math instruction, while Hannah seems to have a slower pace, but that's just the beauty of homeschooling them, no pressure. I want Hannah to develop a LOVE for reading, at the pace that's developmentally right for her, while not holding Sarah back from her voracious appetite for devouring books whenever they're given to her. I'd also love to start adding in a little Spanish here and there, but I'm not sure where to begin there, so that's a work in progress... for now, Dora, Diego, your my team. Don't let me down.
And many folks have asked what I'm doing with Caleb all this time. I plan on sticking him in the closet on a coathook while I teach, just to keep him out of the way.
wait.
Ok, well, while we're not doing anything formal during school time for him, I am going to encourage him to join us at the table whenever he desires for storytime, crafting, songs, etc. If he's interested, great. If not, that's ok too. I'll keep working informally on getting him to know his colors, shapes, and letter/numbers (Gah! He's so close on his colors and shapes, and just when I think he's got it, he yells, "TRIANGLE!" when I ask him what color grass is... I think at this point he must be messing with me). And when he's not working, my little buddy does just great playing with his toys nearby, smashing and crashing about and destroying the room while we work at the table. During breaks, he gets lots of Mommy time, too, for stories, cuddles, snacks, or whatever else he might want. It's a rough life that boy has, I tell ya.
The cool thing for us, though, is P.E. includes frolicking in the sprinkler while it's still warm out, riding bikes around the block, and chasing after each other in hide and seek. Field trips are whenever and wherever we want, with no stupid permission slips needed. And when we're all just feelin' funky, skip it, it's kindergarten and they need to be outside playing and learning about life more than they need to be filling out worksheets and answering rote questions. I'm in seventh heaven at home teaching these kids, even if they drive me batty on a frequent and consistent basis. Friends always say, "Good for you, I'd never be patient enough to teach my kids." I hope someday I'll be patient enough, too, but for now I'm just covering us in prayer and hoping God guides them more than I do, because if this blog proves one thing, it's that I could work a bit on the "patience" dept. And the "not cursing" dept. But I got the "shower your kids with love and teach them about grace and maybe some worldly stuff along the way," dept. covered. ;)

Two Face...

2011-08-09T06:45:00.004-04:00

Caleb has really been maturing these last few weeks, and it's keeping me on my toes. He is potty trained now, needing diapers only at night in case of the rare evening accident, and he's starting to dress himself and peddle his own bike now, so that's less he needs me for now. And my goodness can that boy talk! He is a chatterbox, and in the most absolutely adorable and endearing ways. The other day when getting on the potty, he fell off the front and then said, "Mommy, I guess that means I have to sit backwards on the potty"- I about fell out. For a two year old to verbalize a plan to solve a problem like that just cracked me up. When he pretends, it's delightful:

"Mommy, I have a baby alligator. I caught it in my hands and it's name is George... do you wanna kiss it? Can you hold it for me while I catch him some food with my fishin' pole?"

And when he sucks up, it's both hilarious and powerful:

(Daddy comes home with strawberries in hand) "Daddy, your the BEST Daddy ever!"

But he has a dark side, too...

Ryan and I often sit and wonder over our sweet kids at night after putting them to bed, talking about how neat their personalities are and discussing what they did new that day, and a common theme for us is, "He's just so CUTE!... but so BAD!" You see, one minute he's a cherub- all sweet blue eyes and silliness and "Tickle me MOMMY!" and the next, he's intent on driving someone completely crazy. He's devious in a million brilliant and troublesome ways about how to make his sisters weep and wail and me pull my hair out. For example, at the kitchen counter yesterday, he found a wooden spoon and was tapping it to a beat on the counter and singing a horribly mispronounced version of "Blessed be your name"- cute huh? Next thing you know, I turn my attention slightly toward the sink and away from him, when in my periphery I spy my darling cutie rearing back his arm over his sisters head (who was not facing him and completely unaware of the danger) so as to bap her over the head with the spoon. My arm shot out like a cannon to catch the blow before Hannah had her lights put out, but Caleb just looked at me, giggled, and took off running from Mommy-the-Punisher.

Another example: The kids all made drums at their recent VBS out of various plastic containers with lids. My girls have been using those drums as containers again to carry around little trinkets and treasures they find, carefully sealing the lids to hold in whatever flotsum they deem precious for the day. Caleb, though, whenever he enters the living room, makes a bee-line for those drums, opening them swiftly and steathily to dump out the treasure and then, like a creature that destroys merely for the pleasure of toying with it's victim, moves on to the other sisters' toy to do the same. He wasn't at all curious or interested in what's inside, but rather wanted merely to see his sisters gnash their teeth for the millionth time today and proclaim, "Caleb, why did you DO that!?"

It's like the boy lives a double life... that of a cute and cuddly little sweetheart who can melt my heart on a moments notice, and that of a devious criminal master, stealthy like a tiny ninja. A tiny ninja with strawberry jelly stains on his lips, Captain America undies and a tendancy to piddle on my carpet when not properly monitored. And he has such POWER. Watch out for little Two Face... lest he bring down the spoon while you marvel over his cuteness!

My headgear makes me impervious to my sister's poundings. Tomorrow, I'm going to take over the world.

Chip off the old block

2011-07-20T13:52:00.002-04:00

I have had the week alone with Caleb while the girls have been at VBS this week, and it's been loads of fun having Mommy-Caleb dates each day. Today it was too hot to go outside for long, so he and I headed to the mall to chill out at the play area indoors (and coffee, carousels, and cookies may have been involved as well, but our lips are sealed). He had a blast as usual, but I found one moment particularly noteworthy.
In our play area, there is a water theme... so there are little whale playseats, slides in various shipwreck and sea animal shapes, and little ride-ons like turtles and boats. Caleb claimed one boat for his own (much to the dismay of two watching little girls... that's it buddy, Mommy is the only girl for you!), and was happily pretend fishing when I heard him remark, "There's something wrong with the motor! The boat won't start, I'm gonna have to get out and fix it!" He then continued to repeat this little drama about 10 more times before giving up and surrendering his boat to the waiting girls, who were all to happy to snatch up the broken boat for their own.
For those of you who don't quite get Caleb's reference to the broken boat...
Ryan has a boat. A boat that almost assuredly never actually starts when you need it to. And guess what Daddy says every time we're marooned on his boat? It's so funny what they pick up when you don't intend for them to be listening... :)

How to drive your sisters crazy...

2011-06-28T17:29:00.003-04:00

Take these simple tips from Caleb, the the Master at driving his sister up a wall. He's a veritable savant, at just 2 years old, and he's willing to give you advice for the low low price of a cookie, or other likewise valued sugary treat. Just look and listen to a few choice methods he enjoys:

1. The Voice of Insanity-

Caleb has the ability to make Hannah blow her top just by calling her name. "Her name?," you ask... why, yes. Names should be harmless, unless you add a few extra flourishes afterward, as Caleb demonstrates while in time out for the 50 millionth time today.

Caleb: "Hannah Bobanna!"

Mommy: "Hannah, just ignore him. If you ignore it he'll stop."

Caleb: "Hannah Bobanna!"

(Hannah turns purple but remains silent)

Caleb: "Hannah Bobanna!"

(Hannah stomps, but remains silent, giving Caleb the Glare of Death)

Caleb: "HANNAH BOBANNA!"

(Hannah turns green, grows ten-fold, and hulks-out on Caleb in an unleashing of Hannah-fury...Mommy rolls eyes and tells Caleb to shut it lest he get ANOTHER spanking)

2. The Destroy and Brag

Say said sisters have created something wonderful and amazing with Daddy the night before, like an awesome tinkertoy robot. Stalk the robot throughout the day with your eyes, just passing near enough to drive sisters nutty with anxiety... but wait. Wait patiently until afternoon, milking these opportunities at every chance, and then 10 minutes before Daddy walks in, while Mommy is busy cooking, do this to the beloved Robot:

3. The Toss Across

Wait for Mommy to leave the room on a short errand, believing that all are playing quietly and nicely with Little People, then once she's gone, chuck it all at sisters' heads until they sqeal like little piggies and run for the hills crying for Mommy. Rejoice in having toys all to self for the 30 seconds it takes Mommy to decipher sisters' gibberish cries and run upstairs for the next beating.

4. Merman's Revenge

Wait for Mommy to drop you off in the tub with a sister, then leave the room (are you seeing a theme here?) to dry off another sister after finishing her bathtime. Let Mommy believe all is peaceful in the tubby for a few precious seconds, then proceed to dump cup after cup of water on the tub-sister's head until she's near-drowned. Then, to distract Mommy, dump a couple of cups of water on the floor so she's slowed down in her approach and thus delay the next round of whoopins.

These are just a few of his time-tested methods. Caleb says send cookies if you'd like to hear more. You can find him here:

in his trusty time out chair. Again. With his foot in the electrical plug to drive mommy crazy. Again.

Why Sarah Would Make A Terrible Monkey...

2011-06-24T06:32:00.005-04:00

These...

are meant for these...

not these.

Well, my Sarah broke her arm this week, and let me say I'm predicting it's probably going to be the first of many such orthopedic mishaps for Sarah. She is definitely from my end of the gene pool, as clumsy as a bull in a china shop, as she well proved with her many attempts to achieve this break...

Her first fall was from the monkey bars at the park. Ryan says I should have known it was coming because apparently he has noted a pattern that she can only go three bars before falling, however I was not clued into her penchant for falling, and so I was sunscreening myself and looked up just in time to see my daughter's face making contact with the ground with an awful "thud". Gotta give the girl credit, though, she's a tough cookie. She cried a while and complained her arm hurt, but was soon up and using it to play and bearing weight on it, so we figured we got by with a close call.

Then came the 2nd mishap: while playing out back with Hannah, the two ran at the huge inflated sprinkler ball I had out for them and rolled over it. Like moss on a stone, Sarah clung to the outside of the ball and rolled forward into a handspring... right onto the wrist that was already hurt. But did I take her to the E.R.? No, because I'm thick and it takes me almost as long to catch on as it takes Sarah to break her arm good and well. Soooooo...

After about 24 more hours of fun and silliness with very little complaint from Sarah, while I was folding laundry upstairs, my dear ballerina was twirling with her sister and brother downstairs during that last-blast-of-daily-energy that is the witching-hour right before bed. Parents know this is when their kids have the most destructive and difficult to contain energy, and for Sarah, this led to a dizzying spin to the floor with a landing on, you guessed it, her right arm. So I finally caught on that, hmmm, maybe she might need to have her arm seen. I still never guessed it was really broken, though, until the doc showed me the x-ray and said, "and here's the fracture"... He must have thought I was a little coo-coo because I actually laughed out loud at that. It was more at the surprise and irritation at myself for not checking it earlier that I laughed, but doc must have been wondering a bit, because here I am with this adorable little pixie who just happens to have a black eye (from whacking her head against Hannah's on another occasion), a missing tooth (lost by natural causes, I assure you), and now a broken arm, and here I am laughing at the poor dear's misfortune.

Nevertheless, Sarah is adjusting to her newly-casted limb well, and no one has called CPS on me yet, so I think we'll make it past this incident. She shocked us when she picked red for the color of her cast (Sarah is famous for wanting everything to be blue... I even get confused when she and Hannah occasionally swap shirts and wear different colors because my brain is now hardwired to call whoever is in blue "Sarah"), but then she explained that she wanted red so that it would show better when people signed and drew pictures on her cast. We were blessedly able to obtain permission for a waterproof cast, and I'm so glad, because she has been loving the water this summer and making progress with swim lessons. And now, to look on the bright side, she has a lovely red hammer attached to her arm with which to crack nuts, crush her brother, or hammer nails if she should wish to do so.

The Chop-Stick Incident...

2011-06-17T21:14:00.002-04:00

Just after leaving from a visit with my family this evening, Hannah called out from her back seat, "Momma, did you remember to get my chop-stick Nonnie gave me?"
I searched the dusty, Barney-brainwashed files of my brain and could find no reference to chop-sticks, so I challenged, "Hannah, Nonnie never gave you a chop-stick... what on Earth are you talking about?"
Hannah's voice ramped up about three million decibles and at least 2 octaves, "THE CHOP-STICK! Mommy, you didn't forget it did you! I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed my CHOP-STICK!"
"Hannah, have you lost your mind? We haven't had chinese food or sushi in ages- I. have. no. idea. what. you. are. talkingabout!"
"MOOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY! I gotta have my chop-stick! Can we go back to Aunt Catherine's to look for it?"
"Um, No. I'm sorry, you must have lost it but I'm not going to go looking for a chop-stick. Why did Nonnie give you one, anyway!?"
Hannah replied in glass-shattering staccato notes:"My lips are dry, Mommy! I need my chop-stick!!!!"
"OOOOOOoooooohhhh! I have your CHAP-stick in my purse, Hannah. CHAP-stick... not chop-stick."
"Oops...so, you have it?"
"(Sigh) yes dear. You can have it when we get home."
"Yay!"

I'll never get to eat Chinese without a little giggle to myself again. :)

Priorities...

2011-06-07T16:18:00.004-04:00

We had a lovely day at the beach today, with lots of fun with friends from our homeschool group, however, I did notice a few snags in our day...

For one, since when did I become a glorified sand-sherpa, schlepping huge amounts of kid gear over the dunes while people moan about how far our spot is from the car? Also, Caleb still refuses to go near the ocean water and so it makes for a hot day hanging with my little buddy on the towel and begging him every few seconds to go in the water with me (my revenge on the constant "are we there yet?" assaults in the car, hee hee). Furthermore, I would like it noted that I very much dislike the way the beach seems to follow me home... I think we had at least a bucketful of sand stuck to our clothes/towels/toys on the way home. So today, upon returning home, all items which had been used in the sand were dumped on the porch to dry before washing so I could shake off the sand outdoors, rather than in my home. As I returned outside to get the clothes, I heard a shriek from indoors...

"MOMMA, YOU LET IN A WASP!"... "Crap! No Ryan to kill this thing," I thought to myself, "now I hafta look tough and get it out or kill it myself." I pretended an air of confidence that would have won me an Oscar, chasing the bug around with a thick junk-mail envelope, my weapon of choice for stalking errant bugs since cancelling my daily newspaper subscription. The air of confidence came to a sharp halt, though, once a missed strike led to me losing where the bug was in my sights. "Where is IIIIIIITTTTT?! I can't find IIIIITTTT!," I hollered in a panic. Suddenly, the bug reappeared and was no more after a swift swipe of my American Express pre-approval envelope (hey, it is good for something!). After I left to drop the carcass outside and returned indoors, my children hollered triumphantly, "Yay! Momma, you got it!" Sarah, who is a hopeless t.v. addict, added, "Yeah, Momma, you saved the T.V.!"

It's all about priorities.

Sarah's are apparently to save the t.v. above all else :)

"You can take my family (esp. the little brother), but I'll be darned if you're getting my cartoons!"

Another Homeschool Fail...

2011-06-02T13:31:00.005-04:00

On our way to the campsite for our Memorial Day fun this weekend, Ryan and I were discussing the kids while the children watched DVD's in the back (no judging!). Ryan was teasing me about Caleb and what an awesome job I've done of teaching him his letters, colors, shapes, and numbers... as in, he doesn't know even one of 'em. Not for lack of trying, I asserted, as I reminded Ryan that even though we're done with school for the year, I still spend lots of time reading to and playing with the kids, and I always make sure that those more scholarly goals are addressed while we play. "Hmmph! Yeah, some teacher you are!," he jibed. This is not the first time we've had this discussion, by the way, about my homeschooling prowess. Mutually, we know that the boy would have no difficulty learning these things if he just cared, but it's just not Caleb's thing to care about those things when he could be memorizing the names of the million different dinosaurs and construction vehicles there are out there. But I digress...

Just as I was about to jibe back at Ryan for being a turd and giving me a hard time about my homeschooling skills, Sarah (who has timing) chimes in from the back, "Momma! Look! I saw a really big GOAT with horns!!!!" Meanwhile, this is what Sarah really saw...

I hung my head in shame while Ryan corrected the dear in-between giggles. And by the way, the child has seen and interacted with both cows and goats before... unfortunately though, she's got more of my genes than I thought because as smart as she is, she still has a little dingbat in her at times, too ;)

And just to prove the boy knows his stuff when it comes to construction...

The boy was on a bit of a "cherry picker" bent today, but believe me, he's done the whole book before flawlessly without prompts. Cracks me up!

Things I've noticed about my children and mealtimes:

2011-05-26T08:17:00.004-04:00

It's another day of action and adventure in the Johnson household, and that means the endless cycle of cooking, serving, and cleaning meals has begun. Each day I start my day so well intentioned, only to be an angry, broom-wielding mess by the end of breakfast. In between, my children look like ordinary, adorable children (most days); however, at meals I've noticed a few universal laws take effect which lead me to the point where I talk to myself and require dark chocolate and coffee to continue the day. These universal laws include:

1. The law of enhanced gravity- My table is surrounded by a high-gravity field, much like a black hole, or the bermuda triangle effect that goes on in my house. Drinks, utensils, bread slice fragments smeared with sticky jam... all are affected and lead to frequent mopping and Mommy muttering curse words under her breath.

2. The Booster Rule- My girls are five now. That's old enough to dress themselves, read, play outdoors without me, and wash themselves in a tub. Unfortunately, though, it does NOT mean they can sit in a forward position in a chair. No matter that the food is in front of them, their bodies must for some reason wiggle any other direction but forward. For this reason, they will be in booster chairs till high school. Boosters at least have sides which make it more difficult to wiggle over, which dramatically reduces "falling-out-of-chair" incidents at my house. Otherwise, I would have to hang them by their toes and drop food into their mouths to ensure they can't wiggle out of anything at the table.

3. The Law of Diminishing Utensils- Everyone at my house gets an average of 2 utensils per meal. Somehow at least 5 forks and/or spoons are on the floor after each meal and at least one person is crying due to multiple utensil dropping incidents due to the "now you get to eat with your hands cuz I'm not getting out ANOTHER FORK!" rule. In fact, before food is ever served, I can guarantee you at least one person will drop their fork/spoon. Caleb especially likes using his to scratch his back, while Sarah likes to rub hers all over her face without food on it... sigh.

4. The Paralysis Paradigm- My son has two very functional arms. Just observe him moving thru the house when I'm in a hurry to get out the door somewhere and you'll marvel at the number of things he can reach and pull down, squirrel away in his clothes for the trip, or shove in his mouth before you can say,"Time to go!" For some reason, though, at the table his arms cease to function once my butt hits a chair with hot food. Before my seating myself, he happily sits and feeds himself (or throws food everywhere else, or cries with disdain over the meal... you never can tell which way the appetite pendulum will swing, really), but after my behind makes contact with the wood of my chair, something inside him snaps and his arms can no longer serve him. "Feed me!" he yowls. "I need HEEEELLLLLPPPP!" Unfortunately, I'm a sucker who usually ends up feeding him because that almost guarantees he'll eat more and hopefully someday grow out of the 18 month old clothes he's been wearing FOR THREE SUMMERS.

5. The Time Vortex- Time functions normally most of the day, but at the meal table time dramatically slows down for Mommies. The first few moments of the meal are seemingly normal, however, after the first tenth of their tummies are filled, my children find anything and everything possible to do other than actually eating. All joyful parts of the day are then erased from our memories, and people begin bickering over whose leg hit whose or who gets the purple Flinstone vitamin or "how many more bites must I eat?!...how 'bout now? how 'bout now?" At breakfast, Caleb has also taken to asking me before every bite whether the bite size is correct because he's developed a weird perfectionist habit of making sure it's neither too big or too small a bite of cereal before he can eat it. And have I mentioned the strange resonating properties of Sarah's mouth? When that child eats, it's like a herd of cows in a field chomping away. Add to that 48 trips to the paper towel roll to clean spilled material, and you've got a dramatic slowing of time that results in Mommy wishing they would JUST FINISH ALREADY!!

And it's not just me! I know I seem like the grumpiest Mommy on Earth after reading this, but I've discovered I'm not alone. Mommies everywhere cry foul at mealtimes. Once upon a time, meals were lovely sweet together times, however, according to many of my friends, my house is not the only one hosting a cage match with rabid howler monkeys three times a day (and a varying number of snacktimes). Daddies, I think it's time to take the Momma's out for a date night!
:)

Congratulations! You broke your toddler...

2011-05-16T22:36:00.002-04:00

Caleb has a remarkable talent for mimicking other people. He can nail the wording, facial expression, and intonation of those around him exceptionally well... to a fault really. For instance, I'm not sure who he got this from, but I'm sure he didn't make it up himself, this afternoon when asked what type of candy he wanted, he replied, "I'm a skittles man, Mommy"... I almost fell over it was so funny. He even leaned in a little and propped his elbow on the table thoughtfully for the delivery.

Also, one time at the grocery store, he was flirting with the cashier with his eyes while waiting for the line to advance, and when we got to the counter, leaned in and asked, "How you doin'" ala Joey from "Friends" (which he's never seen... please don't call the Mommy police on me). The cashier then couldn't help but fall in love with my little 2 foot romeo, but alas, he knows where his skittles and potty training star stickers really come from, and in the end, I convinced him that Mommy is still the better girlfriend for him.

Then today, I see my sweet blonde angel playing on the floor with tinkertoys when suddenly one doesn't quite fit the way he wanted. So out from my cherub's mouth comes this little doozy: "DAMMIT!" With a side of "Dammit dammit!" After picking my jaw up from the floor and disciplining him, the guilt set in. "Caleb baby," I said, "that was a horrible no-no word you said, and it's never ok to say it. I know Mommy says it sometimes when I'm mad, but that's wrong. I'll make a deal with you, if Mommy says that word, you tell Mommy that it's a no-no word and that it's bad and that Mommy should never say it. You are not to ever say that word again, you hear me?" "Yes Maam. Sorry Momma"...

So now I'm realizing just how much my toddler has in common with the dementia patients I used to take care of. They could swear up a blue streak, but ask them to remember simple things, like how to remember to shower or not pee in the trash can, and they get a little stumped. Same thing with toddlers. Caleb can apparently remember a curse word I've used, oh maybe a dozen times, without difficulty, but ask the boy to name his colors, numbers, shapes, or letters (which we go over at least eleventy gabillion times a day) and he's at a loss, left only to patently shout out "green!" or "b!" randomly here and there in the incorrect context. I have no doubt he'd pee in a trash can before choosing to go potty in a toilet, as well...just ask my mom what he did in her brand new tub (haha you just told me not to post it on facebook :) ).

I will now accept my "shame on you, you horrible Mommy" award... yes, I broke my toddler. But he's got an excellent chance of making millions with a career in standup comedy or public radio even if he never learns those minutia of academia I keep bugging him about.

Code B at the Walmart

2011-04-28T13:07:00.005-04:00

I've written before about how I detest dragging my sweet little terrorists to Walmart before; however, yesterday something happened that really made me turn from a nice Christian woman to a Tasmanian devil in PMS. My little lovelies have been suffering from a virus that's like a three for one deal... pink eye, ear infection, and flu-like symptoms all rolled up into one big ball o' fun, so at their checkup yesterday at Chez Doctor, they prescribed an antibiotic for Hannah, who, despite the fact that they were all deaf from infections, was the only one who required aggressive treatment. So off we trecked to the local Walmart at 10:30, and when they told me it would be a 45 minute wait, I cringed at the thought of coming back for another visit there, but decided it would be better than wandering around the place trying to contain my voice to low tones whilst threatening three little howler monkeys (who, mind you are deaf, and therefore exponentially louder than usual) in the cart to "Stop touching each other! We do NOT spit at people, especially family! Do NOT lick the shopping cart handle! No we are not going to buy pork rinds simply because we don't have any! Puhleeeeeze stop 'Not touching!' your sister!" etc. etc. So we left for lunch and naps to return later.

At 3:30 we ventured back, with the promise to my deafened little dears that if they behave I would let them have extra-fun playtime activities when they got home. I was almost chipper... we'd get the rx, go home, have some fun, and I'd get dinner on and all would be perfect and Suzy-homemaker-y and happy. Then the checkout lady looked me straight in the face and without a smidge of apology in her voice said, "oh, we're out of stock for that drug"...

Now, please understand, I have a reputation with my husband for being a major wuss. My dear Ryan can make sales associates pee their pants with a word of dissapointment from him, but I am the sort to back down from any and all confrontations... most of the time. However, when I heard the pharmacy lady say this, I turned from this:

to this:before you could say, "Oh Snap!"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE OUT OF STOCK!... DO YOU ACTUALLY MEAN TO TELL ME YOU COULDN'T CALL ME IN THE 6 HOURS SINCE I LEFT TO TELL ME YOU ARE OUT OF MY DAUGHTER'S DRUG?!!!"

At this point the checker stepped back and you could almost hear her signalling, "Code B at the checkout counter! Alert! Alert! We have a CODE B! Crazy -itch at the checkout counter!"

The manager appeared, and I explained my ploit: "I'm told you are out of stock for Augmentin. How is it I had to schlep three sick kids down to the Walmart pharmacy, which I'm pretty sure is one of Dante's CIRCLES OF HELL, not once but twice in one day, only to find out you couldn't pick up the phone and call me in the 6 hours you've had my prescription sitting out."

Her reply, "Um, are you part of our auto-text program, because we can tell you this info by text in the future if this ever happens again"

"Happens AGAIN!? Are you saying this is a normal occurance?! And yes, so you know, I am a part of that program, but even if I weren't, you have like a MILLION copies of my information on that little computer of yours and you're saying you can't call me at home instead of texting if there's a problem?! Did I mention I have THREE sick kids here in this cart, and that this has RUINED my evening. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to manage three small people on a good day, let alone manage to keep them from sucking up every rogue germ in this place while in the pharmacy section here?"

"Yes, maam. I know it must be hard, I have a kid myself so I know it's tough"...

At this point I had to restrain myself not to put my shoe up her nose. Please don't get me wrong, Mom's-of-one, but it is exponentially harder wrangling two or more people in a shopping cart, let alone the overly-loud, virus-crazed grumps I had yesterday.

"Maam, I'm going to call another Walmart and see if they have this in stock."... this was followed by 20 minutes of Walmart-hell-waiting while she whispered frenzily over the phone to someone else. "Maam, they have this Rx at another Walmart (which is a half hour away)... they'll have it ready for you in a half hour when you get there. Again, so sorry."

I might have cried at this point.

I loaded three sad, dissapointed little grumpies into the car for another trip in rush hour traffic, only to repeat the same routine of "Please, you can't all hold my hand in the parking lot at once, please stop wrestling your sister's hand, no we can't visit the bathroom just to see if they have awesome auto-flush toilets, please be good I'msorryIcan'tgetyouhomeintimetoplayyyyyyy!" a half hour after the origional version in another Walmart parking lot. At the front of the line, I'm told, "Oh, we told them (the other Walmart pharmacy people) we'd have to contact your doctor before we can begin filling this." I definitely cried at this point. Then I explained my situation and begged for help because I knew this was not THIS pharmacy's fault, but what I needed now was mercy, assistance, Augmentin, and a big fricken bottle of xanax for my nerves. My Rx was done after another 30 mins in the waiting area, whilst my children mopped up every germ in the place and the people in line scowled angrily at me for making their wait longer by insisting my stuff be pushed to the front of the que.

We left at 3:30, and arrived home to my parent's house, who were kind enough to prepare dinner, at 6. Needless to say I'm transferring my prescriptions elsewhere and having words with higher-ups today, but since this blog is here for me to vent occaisionally, please allow me to do so. And please feel free to vent along with me... I know we've all been there! It's just rare for me to turn from a confrontation-hating wimp to an angry she-wolverine who could have made Kim Jong Il or Kadhaffi piss themselves and retreat, but I guess all of us have a breaking point. Oh snap!

At least I win at SOMETHING

2011-04-17T21:55:00.002-04:00

Hannah, while sitting on her Daddy's lap this morning, wrinkled her nose and exclaimed, "Daddy, did you TOOT?" "Nope" "Are you sure, it smells like you tooted!" "Nope, maybe it was Mommy" "No Daddy! This one REALLY smells. Mommy's don't smell that BAD!... it smells like a Daddy toot." Well, I can't cook as well, and I can't throw them for miles into the air, but at least I win at something in our house :)

Birthday girls!

2011-04-17T14:30:00.003-04:00

Happy 5th birthday to my precious little girls! We've had a wonderful weekend of celebrating, especially during their big birthday party surrounded by some of our closest friends (families from our Mom's for Christ playgroup). This weekend we were reminded how many wonderful, supportive, loving friends and family we have, and how thankful we are for these two beautiful girls. They light up our lives and bless us in so many ways. I am so overjoyed when I think about how these two little beauties shine forth each day, and all the silliness and fun they bring into my days. They seem to bounce thru each day, giggling and goofing off all the while. Sarah is still my happy-go-lucky, t.v. addicted, bull-in-a-china shop kid, with a gorgeous, oft-seen smile and a love for building/constructing things and playing outdoors, while Hannah brings us her sweet & silly, rolly poly, attitude-subject-to-change-at-a-moments-notice personality with a love of all things craftyand fashionable and a generous side of cuddliness. I'm amazed at what wonderful little people they're growing up to become, and can't wait to spend the rest of our days enjoying their smiles and watching them continue to blossom! Happy 5th birthday Hannah and Sarah... Mommy, Daddy, and Caleb all love you very much!

According to Sarah

2011-04-14T14:22:00.007-04:00

(she's no expert, but she did stay at a holiday inn once...)

For a (almost) five year old, Sarah really has become quite authoritative on a few subjects lately. The topics in my van today really demonstrated her know-how on some really deep stuff...

On farming:

Hannah: "Do eggs come from chickens?"

Mommy: "Yes"

Hannah: "Do they come out when they poo?"

Sarah: "That's silly Hannah, of course not! They shoot out their poo-poo holes when they're not pooping! If they did it when they poo, it would be gross!"

On Undertaking:

Sarah: "What's that place over there?"

Mommy: "A cemetary. It's where they bury dead bodies after someone dies"

Hannah: "What?!"

Mommy: "Some people want to have their bodies preserved after they die, so they have their bodies put in a special box called a coffin and then they're buried underground"

Sarah: "Yeah, and it's real hard. You have to be REAL careful to put the bodies in the boxes cuz they're real fragile. If you're not careful, the bodies will break apart into lots of little peices, then it's real messy and you have to put each peice in the box one at a time before you bury it."

On Zookeeping:

Mommy: "We're going into the petting zoo, but be careful not to run after the animals because you'll scare them"

Sarah: "I know Mommy, there's a special way to go up to the animals... you have to tiptoe and sneak up on 'em, and then when you're close enough, grab 'em and run before they freak out!"

Gardening FAIL

2011-04-07T14:12:00.002-04:00

Should I be allowed to raise people when this is what I do to plants?? I can't even keep baby tomatos and cucumbers alive. Seriously, I did my very best with these... watered them only when the soil got dry, let them get plenty of sun, even encouraged the wee ones to talk to them for crying out loud! Guess we're making a trip to home depot for the fully formed versions, which thankfully I have kept alive in the past. Really, though, how hard is it to keep seedlings alive for 4 measily weeks?

Babies: Little Mysteries Wrapped in Diapers

2011-04-03T22:42:00.004-04:00

Caleb has had a strange problem since last Wednesday that has been confounding Ryan and I. The boy suddenly won't eat. And it's wierd because he won't even eat food he likes, like bread and pizza. What's even stranger is we can find no rhyme or reason behind it. Once every other day or so since Wed. he will binge on something, usually something totally non-nutritive, like waffles or cereal, but then for the rest of the day will eat practically nothing, not even his most beloved foods. He seems to have zero appetite, and even gags upon putting food into his mouth and either pockets it like a squirrel or spits it out immediately. It's very strange, and we can't find a single reason why. He doesn't appear to have any other symptoms of trouble... no evidence of teething, no constipation, no complaints of feeling sick to his stomach or having a sore throat, no acting under-the-weather, etc. And what's worse, we can't wring a single clue from him as to why he won't eat. It's like talking to the Scandinavian operator "Peggy" from the Discover Card commercials...

"Hi, my name is Peggy..."

You ask him, "Does your tummy hurt?"..."*Djess (*yes)" (he nods emphatically, pie eyed and with a goofy grin)

"Does your throat hurt?!"..."Djess"

"Why aren't you eating?!"..."Djess"

"Can you fly?"... "Djess"

"Is your name Fred?"... "Djess"

It really is maddening. I'd love to find out whats up with the boy, but I'm afraid I'll probably never get an answer and a day or two from now he'll just mysteriously start eating again (I hope).

And this isn't our first go round in the nut-case infested waters of parenting. I remember the first time Sarah ever had a real temper tantrum. She was about 18 months old, and one minute she's playing happily on the floor with her sister, and the next minute she stood up, opened her mouth, and began a keening wail that continued for what seemed like an eternity. We tried and tried to figure out what could be wrong with the little pixie... "Did your sister hurt you?" ..."Waaah!" "Are you hurt?!" "Waaah!" "Sad?!" "Waaah!" "What the heck is wrong, Sarah?!" "Waaah!" ... this continued on for a good 45 minutes before we threw up our hands and decided to take her to the nearby E.R. for an exam because we figured there had to be something bodily wrong for a person to continue crying hysterically for that long for no discernable reason. Luckily for our pocketbooks, by the time we got into the parking lot of the E.R. it was like a switch was suddenly hit and she all of the sudden stopped crying and started sweetly singing "Amazing Grace" in her babyish version of slurred chinese with her sister accompanying next to her from her carseat. We never did find out what caused the breakdown, but we soon learned that this was just the first of many episodes of emotional hysterics which came to be Sarah's norm for when she had tantrums at that age.

I remember another episode when Hannah was just 5 weeks old, still a squirming, wriggling mound of angry pink mush in a onesie (the angry part, alas, continues still today, sigh...that girl has a blazing temper!)... she hadn't pooed in two days, which was really unusual for her, since she was still a tiny infant, and she had also gone from an angry ball of pink mush to a completely furious ball of kicking screaming mush. Being new parents we threw up our hands and drove her to the E.R. at 10:30 at night to try to see what was causing the back-up. We were also so severly sleep deprived, which can drive even the most rational person to thinking up the strangest scenarios for their baby's woes ("Did her stomach explode?! Are her bowels twisted and deformed and she'll never lead a normal life and I'll have to feed her that $9000 formula that that kid on the Discovery Channel Medical Mysteries show needed because they had the same diseased bowel problem?? Will she never lead a normal life?? Oh woe is us!")... by the way, let me digress here and say, if you are expecting a child or are a new parent, NEVER WATCH THAT SHOW!... The Discovery Health people seem to make a sport out of convincing normal, well-educated parents that their child could have any number of unpronounceable, unheard of diseases just becuase they seem to cry at a different pitch or, say, haven't pooped in 2 days... Also, never ever Google your child's symptoms. They will have you convinced your child has one foot in the grave in no-time.

So $600 in X-rays later, the Dr. in the E.R. walks in with good news. "Well, I can't find anything really wrong with her, but she really is full of crap." I'd love to see the diagnosis code for that one. It's definitely a genetic disorder, though.

So we took our angry squirming princess home and after about an hour spent bicycling her teensy little legs, she erupted like Mt. Vesuvius all over the wall, the carpet, her blankets, and her Mommy, after which all was once more right with the world.

Don't get me wrong, kids are soooooooo worth it, but I know now why parents' hair seems to gray faster than couples without kids. Any insight into what's up with Caleb would be much appreciated, because for now he remains my little "mystery wrapped in a diaper". He may be able to talk, but it's not much more informative than "Mr. Peggy" at the moment.

What I meant to say was...

2011-04-02T14:53:00.004-04:00

"I do not think that word means what you think it means" (Inigo Montoya, "The Princess Bride")

I have a nasty habit of answering trivia questions way too quickly, and being so completely sure I'm right that I hardly wait to fact check myself. The other night during bible study time with Ryan, we stopped for a question of his...

"What was that word for when people used to whip themselves as an act of humility and worship? I can't remember..."

"Flatulation"

(silence and a smirk from Ryan)

"I don't think that's quite it, hunny"

"No, really, it was called 'flatulation'" (I say with a perfectly straight face and no inkling of what just came out of my mouth... happens all too often, unfortunately)

As Ryan begins to giggle... I realize my error and correct myself...

"Flagellation... I meant flagellation!"

"Oh good, I was beginning to worry that people were worshipping by letting it rip over and over... 'I love God!...toot toot!'"

It's nice that we can still have a good giggle over something as simple as fart-humor... that's what really cements our marriage together ;)

Best Buds

2011-03-29T16:20:00.003-04:00

At the end of naptime today I was summoned to Caleb's room by the sound of loud shouting from inside. As I got closer to the door I heard, "Hannnnnaaaaaah! Haaaaaannnnnnaaaaaah! Hannah!"... this is unusual, as typically Caleb wakes up calling my name, no matter the hour of day or night. When I came in, I entered with the question on my lips, "Caleb, why are you calling for Hannah?" His answer was just too precious... "Cuz Hannah wuvs me." "Don't I love you, Buddy?" (in my feigned "jealous girlfriend" voice) "Yep. You wuv me and Hannah wuvs me and Daddy wuvs me!" "What about Sarah?" (silence...doesn't surprise me, the two are like oil and water) "Sarah loves you, too Buddy, we all do." "Yep. Hannah wuvs me too." Too cute... wish everyone was as secure in their family's love for them as my little Buddy is.

This is why I taught her to read and write ;)

2011-03-24T15:11:00.002-04:00

Dear Sarah, we love you too, more than you'll ever know :)

The Lunch Lady vs. Superdaddy

2011-03-22T13:06:00.007-04:00

Here at our little pajama-wearing homeschool, I am the lunch lady, and my family is all the poorer for it. I have never been a lunch person... lunch was always more of a throw-away meal, a time to toss together the fastest prepared foods together hastily and scarf them down before moving on to the next to-do. Ryan, on the other hand, loves cooking, no matter the time of day or occasion, so lunch for him is just another opportunity to show off his culinary skills and make something "fah-boooo-lous". When I'm in charge, then, the kids have to suffer thru meals such as hunks of cheese, plain bread, a cut up apple, and some pepper slices... sounds like something they served up at the Oliver Twist orphanage, right?

Please Lunchlady, may I have some more?

But when Daddy is home, well it's baked apple slices with cheese melted on top, brie topped crackers, and chicken tenders with a homemade honey mustard dipping sauce. For our children, this results in a titanic battle between "Superdaddy" versus "Lunchlady."

Me: What kind of cold cereal do you prefer?

Him: I'll save you! Here, have some Baked Alaska!

When I cook, it's all, "oh, ok, I guess I can eat peanut butter and jelly with a banana again." But when he cooks, I swear there's a hallelujah chorus sounding somewhere in the background after he hands the food over to the little ones. Everyone rejoices, except Lunchlady, who sounds off thusly:

First, I fume... "This is going to make a huge mess and we have so much more to do. The kids have about 3 minutes before they need a nap, and you're making a 40 minute meal...and I'm gonna be stuck wiping up the trail of muck you leave behind you while you're happily blasting away people and things on your Wii.... Huff huff huffity huff."

Then, I relish..." mmmmmmm tasty vittles! This is amazing! Can I have seconds?"

Then I fume again... "Crap! Do you see this place? It looks like my pantry exploded, and I'm pretty sure I'll never get the stovetop cleaned from all the baked on yuck and blah blah blahbitty blah... "

Meanwhile the kids are all, "Daddy this is great! How come you never make stuff like this Mommy?" And so Ryan triumphs on his weekend cooking days at winning the children's love and affection once more.

But I get even.

On the weeknights, I make his lunch. Poor Superdaddy usually gets whatever is left over for dinner, and if there's not enough, I supplement with whatever happens to be leftover in the fridge from other meals. One time I remember we came up a bit short after dinner, but I forgot to supplement his meal, so he got a teensy chicken breast with about 3 tablespoons of lima beans, and nothing else. And I forgot to salt or pepper anything. Let me say I could totally make due with that by grabbing a handful of whatever was floating around the office kitchen drawers (usually saltine packets and jelly containers are enough to satisfy) but the culinary Wonderboy was somewhat less satisfied. He called me and said, "Hey hunny, I think you should know, we had a food fight in the lunch area and it was a total slaughter. All I could do was throw my three lima beans and run for it. Can you please pack a little more next time?" Ok, hint well taken. The Lunch Lady needs to work a little harder for her hard workin man. But if you show me up on the weekends again, I'm giving you saltines and jelly packets, and you can just suck it up and take it like a man ;)

Degrees of "Mom"

2011-03-16T12:56:00.003-04:00

As so many of you well know, kidspeak is a language unto itself, and at times needs a translation. Like, for instance, when my son asks to see my "boo-boos" and I say yes in public, I better be prepared to have my shirt yanked down and be publicly exposed because he is not talking about wanting to see the cuts on my fingers that I got skewering meat the day before. Then there's the degrees of Mom. That is, when my kids want my attention, they will use different terms to indicate the version of Mom they want to attend to them:

"Mommy"= I love you or am super-thankful for something you did

"Mommy" (extra long vowel version)= what I call you if I'm tattling, or if I want your attention at 3:00 am

"Mommy" squared (aka "Mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy...!")= what I call out when you are on the phone or don't answer the first time at 3:00 am

"Mom"= neutral ordinary Mom... I neither love you or hate you at this particular moment, but I must call out this name before everything I say because your sanity is not my priority (i.e. MomIfinisheddinnerMomI'mwashingmyhandsMomdad'shomenowMom...")

"Mom" (extra long vowel version, or alternatively, "Mo....om!")= What I say before I'm going to complain about something you said, did, or thought.

"Ma"= Southern version of Mom... also what I'll call you when I'm a teenager and don't wan't my friends to know I care about you in the least

"Mama"= This ALWAYS gets an extended vowel at the end, and at times, in the middle. What I say when I want to whine about something to you. Can also be used as a neutral term, esp. in the South.

and finally...

"Ugh"= What I'll call you when you are just the most uncool, unfair, awful Mommy on the planet. Accompanied by eye rolls and turning away from you to stress my irritation. With the girls turning 5 soon, that's the one I get called more and more often. I figure it will crecendo in the preteen years and become no more than a sullen muted growl. Again I stress... time, please stop now! I wanna be Mommy forever!

Caleb's Argument-Ender

2011-03-10T16:35:00.006-05:00

Caleb's hit his terrible two's, and as usual, he's doing it with his own flair for the dramatic. He's ramping up his sister-terrorizing, his "No Mommy!"s, and I think his lip couldn't pout out much further if we popped him in the mouth with a hammer drill. He's like a cute, tiny dictator (mini Mussolini?) trying to take over the household. And now he's figured out his argument-ender.

Frequently when we're on car rides, my children, much like all other children of the world (must be in their handbook), decide to get into arguments about whatever flotsam floats into their little brains. For example... Hannah: "Policemen hide to catch criminals!" Sarah: "No, criminals hide from police!" Caleb: "No! NO KIMINALS, I YIKE POLEEEEEEES!" then one of the girls has to begin the real crux of the argument by trying to convince Caleb they weren't even talking to him and he doesn't understand the argument. This angers Caleb, as most things do lately, and his volume rises, and then Mommy has to stop the argument. Lately my hard and fast argument-ender is "STOP ARGUING WITH THE TWO YEAR OLD! THAT JUST MAKES NO SENSE... HE'S TWO, LET IT GO GIRLS!" Then, with a huff, the argument ends and silence reigns once more in my car.

Then today, from my car I hear this conversation:

Hannah: I'm glad we're going home.

Caleb: I'M NOT GOIN HOME, I'M GONNA WATCHA MOOOOOVIE!"

Hannah: Caleb, I'm not saying you can't watch your movie, I'm saying we're going home.

Caleb: NO! MOVIE! MOVIE MOVIE MOVIE!

Hannah: Caleb, I'm not sayeeeeeeing that. I'm sayeeeeeeeeing...

Caleb: DON'T ARGUE WIFFA TWO YEAR OLE!

And so the argument ended.

I think he's gonna be a lawyer. He seems good with loopholes.

Mommy's "Happy Pills"

2011-02-27T22:06:00.003-05:00

We were walking down the candy aisle at Walmart when the kids got all excited. "Are we gonna buy some candy Mommy?" asked Hannah, obviously with heart aflutter. "No, honey... I'm buying something for me this time," I answered her. Looking chagrined, she murmered, "you're buying kisses, aren't you?" (imagine the tone a woman uses when she's referring to her lover's "other woman"). "Yes, baby." "But whyeeeeee can't weeeeeeee have any of your kisses?!" "Because, baby, they're like Mommy's happy pills... when I'm needing to calm down or just have a happy moment, I eat one and feel a little better. You have your cookies and your lolipops you get for being good, and, well, these are just Mommy's special treat." "Oh, ok... I get it," she answered me, with a look of new understanding once her treats were mentioned... she knows Mommy doesn't eat her goodies, and got the connection.

Fast forward to the next day, I'm driving in the car and I get cut off by some guy who apparently didn't notice me coming down the road he was turning onto, and without looking, the driver pulled right out in front of me, making me have to brake harder than usual to accomodate him rather than end up wedged in his driver's side door. "Moron!," I (ashamedly) exclaimed. "What's wrong Mommy?" my darlings asked in unison. "Sorry kids, it's just that bad drivers put Mommy in a very bad mood and make me angry. I shouldn't have name-called though." Next remark was priceless: "That's ok, Mommy. When we get home you can have one of your happy pills and feel all better"...

If only it were that easy, baby. Now I have to brainwash the events of the last few days so they don't think mere substances can erase heartaches and pain. But first I'll have a good giggle at their sweet humor :) But I got the lesson... my snide sense of humor can sometimes teach them the wrong ideas, and maybe (ok, certainly) I need to keep a tighter reign on my tongue around them.

The up-sides of stomach flu?

2011-02-26T20:45:00.003-05:00

This week my sweet Hannah and I caught the stomach flu... and I'm really trying to see the bright side of it because, in general, the last 4 days have been a major suck fest, but there has to be a silver lining, right? So here's what I've dug up to be the good points of the last 4 days...

Firstly, You could now perform surgery in my house. That's right, the surfaces in my house are now sparkly clean and perfectly germ free. If someone's touched it in the last week, it's been swiped with a hefty bleach-water solution. I don't mess around. Even while I was sick, the procedure was to hurl... muster & clean myself... then head on over to the bleach bucket and get to work while the endorphins did their work and kept me standing before the next wave of nausea. The downside of such cleanliness is that while you could perform surgery in here, you may not be able to because the level of bleach fumes in here might make the uninitiated pass out.

(Editor's note: that last part is in jest... don't worry, the littles are safe and in no danger of dying from bleach fumes...DO NOT call the authorities :))

Secondly, I am now a martyr. Someone grab me a halo cuz I just did my good deed for the year. Hubs has an important event (that which I will not publish for the blog-stalker world) which would have made it a very poor time to get the stomach flu, and so I sent him to stay at my father's whilst I managed Hannah, and then caught her germs. And since my Mommy is out of town (she who normally manages my puke-age loveingly as only a Mommy can), that officially makes me a sacrificial martyr... all hail me. After the quarantine lifts from my house, that is. Later, Ryan can throw me a party and gift wrap that halo with a big box of chocolates and a nice evening out with my girlfriends at Starbucks thankyouverymuch.

And finally, in this quest to find the good in this germ encrusted, miserable tale, I guess you could say the last up-side would be that I had a genuine excuse to let a few things go that I otherwise wouldn't have. For instance, for the last 4 days I've let my kids watch t.v. till their little hearts almost burst from the joy of their Dino Dan/Mickey Mouse Clubhouse love-fest. I also got to forgo cooking for a couple days in favor of ordering in pizza and having meals delivered by hubs, who slipped dinner in and ran out of the house like a frightened girl in sheer germaphobic terror. And sweeping... well, our food consumption was cut by half while Hannah and I decided we'd rather be flayed alive rather than ever consume anything ever again... meaning the crumbs levels were cut in half for a couple days. And I actually got to read a book in my spare time, Ha!

Take that stomach flu... I've bested you with bleach AND with a more positive attitude. Although, if you show your ugly face in this house again, it may do me in, so hit the road, Jack. We've seen more of you than we care to for a long loooooooong time.

Out of touch

2011-02-21T14:40:00.003-05:00

I've noticed I am becoming more and more out of touch with the world ever since leaving work to stay home with my little people. I used to get a newspaper daily and read it cover to cover, but soon after having children, I noticed my $90 a year subscription was being used to quickly read thru the front page headlines, skim the obits for names of former patients who've passed, read the opinion page and break into a small soap-box-y tantrum, and check out a comic or two. This took all of 5 minutes total, but in that time my children would invariably stage a coup and I'd find cabinets opened, chairs overturned, burners running on the stove, and someone somewhere would be covered in diaper creme. And so I had to give up and relinquish my subscription, probably for the good because lately it seems people who still pay for the paper are telling me it's just outdated news anyway.

Now my news is viewed only thru the myyahoo ticker, and if I have time to click on the story for more info, sometimes I can read quickly enough to avoid my children overthrowing me as leader of the house and installing themselves as dictators of Johnsonland. And forget TV news programs... by the time the cute-and-cuddly's are down for the evening, I'm pretty much only good for sitting around drooling on myself. If a meteor was hurtling toward Earth, I think the only way I'd know about the crash course is because my Mommy would call me with her Henny-Penny voice (also used for whenever the weatherman sends out a tornado watch/warning notice), and even then Ryan would be in the background all "it's probably just a shooting star outside... you know it's never as bad as your parents think it is." Someday a tornado really will hit us unawares just for saying that, I know Mom :)

But for the present, there are some things that when I hear about them, I have to be all, "Huh?" because I really have no idea what's going on in the world... such as

-What's the difference between all these stupid phones and their operating systems? What happened to getting by with a few hundred minutes and a texting package? What is an app?

-Who the heck is Amanda Knox, and why does anyone care that she looks like some other teeny bopper actress?

-Is there some kind of solar storm out there? Will it kill us like in that Nicholas Cage doomsday movie, or will it just slow my internet connection EVEN MORE?!

-How was ANYONE surprised when Miley Cyrus turned into Hollywood's new bad girl? Did you really not see it coming? Because, like I said, I'm pretty out of touch, and even I saw that one on the horizon.

The list could go on, but then again, how could it really go that far, since, like I said, I am soooooo way out of touch, and couldn't tell Kate Middleton from Kate WhatsernamemarriedtoTomCruise. I could, however, tell you how many times PBS kids repeated the Bear Hibernation episode of Cat in the Hat this week, or how Tolee the Koala learned to deal with his toy Panda getting dirty in the pond. I could tell you how many servings of fruits and veggies my kids got today, and how many days it's been since one of them has pooped. I could tell you how many of my girlfriends are pregnant and what their due dates are. But as for whatever Mr. President and the folks in congress did yesterday, I'm a blank. Maybe someday I'll be more well informed, but for now, it's back to the trenches for me because naptime is almost over :)

What happens when Mommy doesn't sleep...

2011-02-21T08:14:00.005-05:00

Or, the de-evolution of Mommy:

Caleb decided to wake up at the midnight hour the other night, and my reactions with each waking reminded me of what happens as most Mommies go thru the whole crazy-train of sleep deprivation from infanthood thru sleeping-thru-the-night-hood.
1. First cry- "Waaaaah!" Mommy's eye pop open from dreary deep sleep and first thought is "Awww... my little one neeeeeds me! I'm coming to the rescue Buddy!"... I rush to his room and take the opportunity to snuggle a bit before settling him off to sleep and heading back to my room. "What a cute little angel!" I think. This reminded me of his first few months, when everything is new and you spend those wee hours just looking at your little one sleeping and relishing every little soft velvety curve of baby lump your eyes find. Oh well, off Mommy goes to sleep again.

You start out all, "Who needs sleep when I can care for my little one? Maybe I should scotch guard the couches and scrub the fridge while I'm at it. And then knit blankets for the poor."

2. 2nd cry- 12:30 am "Waaah!"..."Whatever could be wrong with my baby tonight? He doesn't wake this often anymore" Rushing to the little guy's bed, you sit there comforting him and go thru the checklist of "what could be wrong?," much as was once done when baby was about 6 months old and starting to settle into more regular sleep. Fever? nope. Diaper full? nope. Lost toy? Nope. All is well, so a drink is offered and wee one is tucked in once more. Mommy slips back to sleep, though it takes a bit longer this time...

only this time, just five minutes after settling back into blissful sleep again...

3. 3rd cry- 1 am "Waaaaaaaaah!" "Dangit! What the heck is up with that kid!?" Groggily, and much more slowly, you slog into the room and croak, "Whassamatter!?" "I wanna nuther dwi-iink" "Dude! Mommy has to get some sleep tonight. Take another drink real quick, but DON'T wake Mommy up again. Go to sleep." Door is shut unceremoniously whether or not little guy has found his lovey and blankey again and he's left to find his own way back to sleep as you thump back into bed and pray to God he goes to sleep this time. Groggy hubby says, "Man, he's waking up alot tonight isn't he?" to which you reply thru your teeth, "Yes, and if you ever let him nap till 4 pm again I'm gonna kill you with my bare hands!" "What? What was that Honey?" "Nothing, it doesn't bear repeating, just. let. me. sleep!"

Reminds me of the 1 year mark when you're thinking, "Dude, I don't care what's wrong, just shut it and learn to soothe yourself already!"

Darling baby starts out looking like this to you

however... by this point they just look like THIS to you

4. 4th Cry, 1:30 am "Waaaah!" You jump out of bed, throwing pillow over hubby's head, and stomp to crying child's room, throw open the door, and growl, "IF YOU CRY OR CALL ME AGAIN I AM GOING TO SPANK YOU. NOW GO TO SLEEP!" Stomp back to room and put pillow over head. Slink back into sleep only after arguing with self for an hour about whether CPS is going to come tomorrow to claim your children becuase your such a mean Mommy. And then settle on, "Well, he should be sleeping thru the night now and able to comfort his darn self!" as the replying answer, and slip back into sleep. Have extra cup of coffee in the a.m. and shirk off hubby's evil eye thru the day at including him in the bad-sleep extravaganza. Catch a nap and leave him in charge as payback ;) (or at least I wish). Give little guy extra hugs in the a.m. as pennance for mean-mommy persona showing up in the wee-hours. This is the reality of 2 year old sleep.

Aaaaaand this is how you end up looking at the end of the night. Approach only if you are bleeding or on fire, as per the established rules of the household... Mommy will go back to her sweet, loving self once she gets some @#$(*&^% sleep.

I keep reminding myself someday he'll be a teenager and then I won't be able to wake him up no matter how hard I try. But then I'll miss all the other cute stuff, so in a way it's worth it now... just don't ask me how I feel about parenthood at 2 in the morning. I may slug you with a pillow, too.

Happily eating my crow...

2011-02-17T16:45:00.002-05:00

My big girls rode their bikes without training wheels today. I KNOW... only one day after I started trying them without, and one day since I predicted they'd take FOREVER to learn. I'm still shocked at how quickly they pick stuff up sometimes! Hannah is still really hesistant and constantly crashing because she can't turn yet, but still, she did an excellent ride across the court near our house. And Sarah, well she took off like a bolt to the blue and didn't look back. Unfortunatly she didn't look forward too well either because she ran straight into her brother on two different ride attempts despite my hollering right next to her "WATCH OUT! DON'T HIT CALEB!!!" It was like he was the only brake she had and she was goin' for it even if it meant they both ended up in traction, which thankfully they didn't. I'm so proud... now I have to go figure out my stupid phone to see how I can upload the videos. If you don't see any later, assume the damn technology has bested me yet again. Yay for banner days in my little ones' lives!! Boo for endlessly complicated cell phone cameras!!

Spring is Spring-ing...

2011-02-16T13:52:00.002-05:00

This week the tide of winter has turned toward announcing the oncoming spring. Maybe Punxatawny Phil was right this year? And while I'd love to say I'm LOVING it, there are a few things I'm concerned about with spring...
1. It's MESSY.- I know, I should be all, "Oh, feel the nice breeze and glory in the abundant sunshine!"... and don't get me wrong, I totally love both, but it also means my kids are outside way more often. With that comes the outside dirt. Especially with Sarah. Sometimes I wonder if she just rolls in it or if Hannah and Caleb are aiding and abetting her by squooshing the dirt into places she just couldn't reach herself. She tracks in more sand than the Sahara after just 10 minutes in the sandbox, and has now developed a disturbing affinity for those teeny little gravel rocks in the runoff ditches at the sides of the street. I found a handful in each pocket of her jacket today, and they keep migrating out onto my floor where, OUCH... you get it!? My feet have them permanently stuck in the callouses, which were previously at least smooth callouses. There are loads upon loads of laundry now in my house of clothes covered in sidewalk chalk, and this is just the first warm week since winter set in. My washer and dryer may never recover from this spring/summer, what with camping, outdoor fun, and three fully mobile mess-makers full of (bad) inventive ideas related to how to use dirt more creatively.
2. I LIKE my down time- Summer means my down time each day will vanish. What I mean is, now I get a little extra time in the week for blogging, etc. that is "me" time. Summer and spring mean that time is spent mowing lawns and watering gardens, etc. All nice pursuits, but I'll miss this time.
3. SUNSCREEN- the dread word. Any and all outings in summer that involve exposure in the 10am-3pm time slots involves a lengthy sunscreening session beforehand because I will not, I repeat, will NOT have them blaming me for premature aging someday :). They can blame me for LOADS of other parenting fails, but they will have skin like angels when the rest of the world has wrinkles, as least as long as I can control it, anyway. Sunscreening can take up to 30 minutes of our time or more each outing before we can even leave the house, and don't even get me started on what sunscreen handprints look like on furniture or glass doors. Lets just say they are impossible to clean without significant delayed onset muscles soreness the day after, and leave it at that.

On the upside, I can't wait to get these three out camping, swimming, and fishing this spring and summer. I adore seeing them out in the yard having water fights and drawing elaborate pictures in chalk on EVERYTHING outside (they're like tiny gang-taggers... you never can really decipher what they've drawn, but it's sorta pretty and really hard to wash off). Caleb is so excited about the oncoming adventures that he keeps trying to dive underwater in the tub to practice swimming like his sisters, and I know I'll have to watch him like a hawk this year, because he knows no fear or limitation... as long as the girls can do it, he thinks he can, too (and he may well yet show me he's correct). This year, he's gonna need a fishing pole, a big-boy swing, and a new life vest because he will no longer settle for string tied to a stick, baby swings, or baby life jackets (sniff sniff.... stop growing, I tell you!). And the girls... well lets just remember their 5th birthday is right around the corner, and I'm hoping this spring they'll finally turn the corner to start riding their bikes without training wheels. I say hoping because I tried them both out this morning without the training wheels, and they were AWFUL. Falling over like poorly-balanced stone statues, even WITH me holding them the whole time. Please tell me that's normal, and that I don't have balance-stunted little non-bike-riding peeps here?! But anyway, I'm determined they're gonna get it, just like I was determined they were going to learn to read last summer, so we will soldier on- I think I'm gonna have to stock up on princess band-aids though. :)

Things it's better off not to ask when Mommy has PMS

2011-02-09T13:05:00.005-05:00

Everyone knows that there are certain times each month when you must tread lightly around the ladies of the household, and so I decided to create a guide of things NEVER to ask at that time...

1. Do you see that dirt over there?

This one is a particularly dangerous question firstly because I am already a rabid cleaner, but at this particular point in time, I'm like Monk on Meth... any and all dirt is ridiculously obvious to me and irritates me to no end. Secondly, if you should happen to brave this question, please know it will only end up in hard labor... for you, not me. I will hand any and all offenders, no matter how cute and sweet and pie-eyed, a dustpan or wet cloth and send you packing in the direction of the dirt until said dirt is eliminated.

2. Where's my breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack?

This question is especially problematic if I am, in fact, making the requested food. Normally I'd calmly ask for your patience while I finish, but at this particular point in my sanity break, I am likely to stop what I'm doing and take a big 'ole bite of whatever I've been making and then throw the rest to whoever DIDN'T ask the question while the offender in question goes hungry. I may even throw in a loud rendition of the old "There are starving children in China!" lecture, as well. Just sayin'... you've been warned.

3. Do I have to?

Um, did I ASK you to? That pretty much means you have to. In fact, it is implicit in the asking that one should then go and do what was asked of you, or face the consequences, which in this time frame aren't pretty. My normal threshold from zero to spank involves counting and timeouts and loss of privileges before spanking occurs, but right about now my hand is itchin for some heiny and your pluckin' on my nerves will lead straight to it. This means you too, Ryan.

4. Are you eating MORE chocolate/drinking A-NOTHER cup of coffee?!

If I am, approach with caution. This is like the Orange level on the homeland security terror alert scale. It means I'm almost at the end of my rope and I may likely lose my schmidt at any moment. Back away slowly and do not ask any more questions. Pressing me further will push me to the red zone, signified by beer in hand and butt in view as I walk out the door for my 10 minute Mommy time-out, lest people be injured in by the concussive force of my raging hormonal explosion. Meanwhile, if you had just let me enjoy my Hershey kiss and cuppa Joe, things will usually drop down to level blue, or "Guarded," meaning you can ask me to read books or play video games with the reasonable expectation that I will not shoot daggers out of my eyes, and I may even smile sweetly and comply. Picture a lioness both before and after she's had a big old steak... which one would you approach... hungry lioness, or happy-sated one?

"Just throw her some Ben and Jerry's and hide until she's done"

5. Are you in PMS? (For Ryan)

Are you crazy? Do you poke the guy in the insane asylum and ask him if he's lost his marbles? Do you ask the inmates at San Quentin what they did to land themselves in prison? NO! Neither do you ever, e-v-e-r ask this question. Firstly because, duh, I'm going to flatly deny it. Secondly because, if I am, you just acknowledged that you have been observing MY behaviour instead of looking deep into your heart and thinking of the many wonderful ways you can show ME how much you love and adore me at this trying time. Think of how you would nurture a sick person... wait, no... you suck at that... think of how you'd treat your Mom if she was sick, and then act like that. Bring me food, let me watch t.v. and otherwise keep your distance unless summoned.

I'm sure at some point I'll have more to add to this list, but it's helpful to remember at this point that I love my family very much and will return to being my sweet and loving self in a short 7 days (or sometimes, luckily, less). I apologize for the bad behaviour in advance, and send hugs and kisses. I know it's tough for you guys, but I promise to feel nicer soon. In the mean time, can you stop chewing so loudly?!

Things I've noticed:

2011-02-03T14:35:00.009-05:00

Since being stuck inside for our customary month-long winter illness stent, I've noticed a few things about my kids....

Sarah- the child is becoming more and more like the absentminded professor every day. She asks the most profound questions, like "Mommy, how does a car engine work?" or "Mommy, Why does God let little kids get sick sometimes?" and she can build huge elaborate mechanical structures with pillows and tinkertoys (MacGyver much?), but then you look at the child... she CAN NOT dress herself. I swear that on any given day at least one item of clothing on her will be backwards and she does. not. care. It's hilarious. I'll yell, "Sarah, didn't you notice your underpants are on backwards?" "No, they're not bothering me!" "But they're riding so high up your bottom I think they're gonna cut you in half soon, and that didn't occur to you?" "Nope" "Change 'em. Now." "Aw Mom!" And don't get me started on her ability to match clothing. I'm no fashionista myself... ask my mother who routinely re-dresses me when I come to her house. But this child will put a lime colored leopard print sweater with a pair of baby blue sweat pants and purple polka dot socks and think nothing of it. I seriously see her giving her dissertation someday in a red velour jumpsuit with a big green flowered headband and mismatched blue and yellow clogs on the wrong feet!

Then theres the falling. The child falls about 70 million times a day, with no discernable cause!!! She's just walking, walking, walking, and oops! and now she's down again. No cause for alarm, I've sorta ruled out all the scary medical/physical reasons and decided it's genetics. I myself have a tendency to walk into poles, walls, small children, etc. on a regular basis, but this child takes the cake. I've bought her sticky bottom socks and she still manages to bite it, in ever new and creative ways.

"I'm inventing a way to keep your child's feet from sliding all over the place... it involves hairspray and a tampon applicator...don't ask."

Caleb- the boy is destined to have Mommy-issues. He and I are stuck to each other like glue. He is my squishy, and he shall be mine always and forever. Watch out future wives, this kid only has eyes for Mommy. Seriously, at random moments throughout the day, he'll just wander over and say, "Mommy, I hug you?" The only person in creation to capture his attention away from Mommy is Dino Dan, and I'm pretty sure he's got Mommy-issues too, so it may be a kinship thing.

He also has a memory like a sieve. It only holds what he has chosen for it to trap. Ask the boy a question about fire trucks, and he can answer it. Ask him to name the parts of a bulldozer (who knew there was a part called a ripper on the back that breaks up rocks? My kid, that's who), and he's your man. But teach him a color, number, letter, or shape, and he'll repeat it back once, then the information falls right outta his brain. I taught the boy "B" three weeks ago, and now every single question I ask about a color, number, or shape is answered with "B!" And we're not talking about a little effort on my part. Whenever we read books, play in the tub, playing games, etc. I'm describing shapes, colors, numbers, letters, but for some reason, the facts just don't stick. I would worry that he has the IQ of a stump, but he can dream up fantastically creative ways to torture his sisters covertly and can name dinosaurs on sight (on t.v. I mean :)), so maybe I just suck as a teacher.

Hannah- The kid could rule the world if I could just find a cure for her laziness. She has mad fashion sense, and barely after her eyes have opened for the day she's already planning her outfit, hair, and accessories. She hits the ground running, quick to get dressed, making Sarah and I look like the indoor homeless shelter people she lives with (Sarah and I would live in mismatched Jammies if we could), but once she's lookin' fierce, I think her energy for the rest of the day is sapped. Chores and bed-making are like pulling teeth with her, and don't get me started on school work that doesn't immediately catch her interest... I think she'd set fire to me with her eyes if I didn't include craft/artwork in our school day every day. She's destined to be either an art-eest or the next (white) Tyra Banks with her stubborness, creativity, and social personality...if she can just find the motivation to get beyond the first 20 minutes of the morning and keep going.

"Hannah, you're cute and fiesty like me... if you'd just stay awake...hello? are you listening?! Gah!"

Although... I've also found the one source of exercise the child will willingly participate in. I got the kids free hoola hoops at the homeschool store last week and she has been hoola-hooping herself about. to. death. ever since they've gotten them in the house. Which is surprising given her little Buddha belly. My baby-girl has no waist whatsoever, and yet by sheer will and centrifugal force, she hoola's till she practically drops. Yay, hoola hoops!

I just wonder what kinda dirty little secrets they know about me after these last few weeks of close quarters contact...
"Hey Daddy, did you know...."
you don't think I'd put that kinda stuff out there on this blog do you? I'll wait for them to blurt it out in public at the worst possible moment instead ;)

Caleb's definitions- No. 3

2011-02-01T17:03:00.003-05:00

Plantyentrogenous- (n.) one who studies dinosaurs. alternately: paileeontolodris. a.k.a. paleontologist.
-as in: "I gonna be a plantyentrogenous!" - the boy's been watching too much "Dino Dan"

"I a Dinoshroar Mommy! ROAR!"

Little Drainers

2011-02-01T13:00:00.004-05:00

When I worked out in the speech therapy world, Annamary, a PT I knew, would sometimes use the term "drainer" to refer to some of our patients who would drain the energy right out of you, either because they were grumpy beyond belief, or because others would sometimes talk your ear off about no end of compaints and problems... no matter how personal those problems were. I guess sometimes people hear you have "therapist" in your title and assume you can help them with all manner of psychological issue, as well. Well now, Annamary, the old crusty drainers have met their match, with the new, improved, overly-energetic models living with me.
Motherhood is a wonderful journey, but there's a real reason why I'm so tired looking every night, and its not merely from physical exertion. Take today... picture in your mind a lovely scene, two sweet little girls building some apartment-building-like creation with tinkertoys in the livingroom, while I make sandwiches under the watchful eye of my shadow Caleb. The t.v. is tuned to my fave Christian Radio station where people are singing the praises of our Savior, and school is now finished and cleaned-up. Sounds idyllic, right? Now add audio....

"GAAAAAAAAAAH! Mommy, whatchamakin?whatchamakin?WHATCHAMAKIN MOMMY!?" screams Caleb, who is 6 inches from my face watching as I spread peanut butter on bread.
"I'm making PB and J, Buddy."
"CANIHELPCANIHELPCANIHELP?!"
"Not this time, I just want to get it done"
"WITH PEANUT BUTTER?!"
"Yes"
"AND JELLY?!"
"Yes, that's why we call it peanut butter and jelly... now can you just watch so I can hear this song... it's Mommy's favorite and I want to hear it"
(from the other room, a girl voice comes shrill-ly from the tinkertoy apartment complex)
"MOMMY! Why do you like this song? What's so great about it? Whyeeeee do we have to listen too-oooo?!"
"Because... I like it and I said so and I really wanna hear... pleeeeeease let me listen!"
(Caleb chimes in) "WHATCHA MAKIN NOW MOMMMY!?"
"Still peanut butter and Jelly, Buddy"
"CANIHAVESOME?! WITH A DRIIIIIIIINK?"
"Yes, Buddy, this one's for you, this is Caleb's lunch"
"WITHADRINK! I WANT WATER! NO MILK. WATER"
"Ok"
(Two more girl voices join in)
"I WANT MILK MOMMY! IN THE PINK CUP! DID YOU HEAR MOMMY? THE PINK CUP"
"I WANT BLUE I WANT BLUE I WANT BLUE I WANT BLUE.... MOMMY ARE YOU LISTENING? I SAIIIIID I WANT BLUE PLEEEEEASE!"
"Ok... just please.... two minutes of quiet please"
(Caleb) "CAN I EAT NOW MOMMY!"
"Almost, Buddy"
" I no want JAM! NO JAM NO JAM NO JAM! MOMMY? NO JAM!"
"It has to have jam... that's what goes on a peanut butter AND JELLY sandwich... you'll like it, trust me... you eat it all the time for goodness sake"
(All three simultaneously)"I WANT MINE IN TRIANGLES!" "I WANT MINE IN SQUARES!" "I DON'T WANT MINE CUT PLEASE... DON'T FORGET! YOU WON'T FORGET LIKE LAST TIME, RIGHT?! REMEMBER?!"
"ok" sigh.
My song is now long over, and I move all three to the table to serve. This is the pattern that repeats itself so many times over during the day. It's good to be the Mommy... they're cute and squishy and sweet and I love them to death, but it's also good I start the day with a full tank, because these little drainers are suckin the life out of me one loud demanding conversation at a time. And that's where naptime comes in... my tank is fillin up again... will I be ready for the afternoon go-round?

Heeeere's your sign...

2011-01-30T19:26:00.005-05:00

"The Amazing Triple-Bodied Hare"

Ryan, my fabulous, wonderful cook of a husband, decided to make rabbit for the first time for me tonight. Being one who loves most of the things he makes (save only fish eyes) I was very excited and wanted to watch as he prepared my dinner. So, he seasons the rabbit and puts it into the sizzling hot cast iron pan, and out from my mouth spews this brilliant remark: "So, that's just one rabbit, eh?"

Ryan looks me dead in the eye, pauses, and says, "No, I glued three of them together and that's what came out."

I sat there trying to come up with a face-saving retort, something like, "No, I meant to say (insert appropriately meaningful question here)..." but all I could do was stare at him like the fool I was, until I started laughing. Then his laughing followed... I held out my hand for my "I'm stupid" sign, handed out by my giggling husband, who was all to willing to give me the award for my umteen-millionth time.

Disillusioned.

2011-01-24T08:57:00.003-05:00

"What'r you lookin' at! I'll cut you, I swear I will"

Being a homeschooler, I read things about what my kids "need" at certain ages, like little to-do lists for my kids' brains. On one of those lists, it stated that it would be a good thing for my kids to start listening to me read some chapter books fitted for their age. Some of the lists even had lists to detail which books might be good. For example, Beatrix Potter's "Tales of Peter Rabbit," "Winnie the Pooh," etc. etc. As I read the list, my eyes became big as saucers, dreaming of the lovely tales I could read to my little ones as they sat, enraptured by the adventures beloved by so many over the last century. Lets just say I was more than a little shocked by what I found in these "children's" tales...
Peter Rabbit- the gist of the story is about a dishonest, disobedient little bunny whose father was murdered by the farmer next door, who, along with his cat, has a vicious bloodlust for cute and cuddly furry creatures. And don't get me started on his cousin, Nutbrown Hare and other associated stories. The book read almost like a preschool Stephen King tale, not that it mattered much because my poor little ones couldn't go two sentences without asking me what the outdated vocabulary meant.
Winnie the Pooh- This is not the cute, cuddly, silly band of creatures that Disney animated for the world. Pooh is a moron who takes little care for others around him, and he and Piglet are at times quite thoughtless and mean. The other characters act out their story equally as carelessly, but not in the cute child-like way Disney imagined, but more like they're in some sort of weed-induced haze. And again, the vocabulary made it so unmanageable that my little ones could never keep up anyway.
Peter Pan- This kid is in serious need of a whoopin. Just saying. He is a mean, selfish bully with a bloodlust that rivals Jack the Ripper. Seriously, picture Neverland as something out of Lord of the Flies, and you've kinda got it. I kept waiting for Piggy to be named among the Lost Boys. I read a chapter yesterday where nary a single character went without bragging at least once about how many times or how brutally they killed someone. And lets talk about the "Darlings"... these lazy fools leave their kids in the charge of a dog on a daily basis, and when Dad purposefully poisons the dog with his "Medicine" (cocaine much?) in front of the children, they even banish the Dog, the one responsible character in the story, so that their children are subsequently kidnapped by Peter while Mom and Dad are partying at the house down the street. Somebody call DCFS.

I'm not sure what's next on our reading list. I'm thinkin "Little House on the Prairie" is the only safe choice, but everytime I think about the storyline it makes me yawn. How am I supposed to draw my 4 year olds into the world of books with that? In the meantime, I somehow have to invent a machine to turn back time and erase the memory of murderous boys, cute little bunnies hacked up or baked alive by murderous farmers, and moronic stuffed animals come to life and acting out like they're in a drug-induced stupor.

When to cry...

2011-01-23T16:18:00.003-05:00

It seems my mouth has gotten me into trouble again... no surprise for those of you who read me regularly. As all mothers and fathers can tell you, when the lights go out at night, or when naptime has just begun each day, there is usally at least one little voice that rings out, "Mommy! I need you!" Most times I show up obligingly, only to find out I've drug my butt out of a workout so that I can break up some drama between the two girls or some such nonsense, and so we've established some simple rules for when the kids can call on us after dark. At first we told them, "Only call us when you really need us!"... of course, that was such a foolishly broad rule that immediately "when you really need us" was expanded to mean when a sock was removed and lost in the covers, or when a toe was bumped on the bedpost. And so we redefined the rules to say, "Only call us when it's an emergency!"
"What's an emergency?"... So we needed to be clearer...
"An emergency is when you are hurt really bad or very sick"
"Ok Mommy"
But again, this was redefined by the kids to mean any time they wanted to imagine up a headache or some such nonexistant illness in order to get us to come in the room. So we again were forced to be even clearer.
Then we heard them repeat our new rule today...
Caleb, on being gently scolded by Ryan about something, began to cry... no, wail, over his hurt feelings. Then Hannah and Sarah appeared to calm him...
"Buddy, don't cry. That's silly to cry about that," Sarah chided.
"Yeah, buddy, you should only cry when you are throwing up, bleeding, or on fire"
Yup, there it was. The reasons we gave the kids why they could call us after bedtime- We're not raising any panty-waists over here ;)

Um, hello?! God calling!

2011-01-19T21:05:00.006-05:00

So last night while reading my small group study (entitled (Crazy Love, by F. Chan, if you're interested in checking it out) I was convicted... I realized that I never really look forward to prayer time with God. It's as if I'm trying to squish him into those last few minutes of my day grudgingly, rather than filling my day with him joyfully and basking in his presence, as he's made clear I am most welcome to do. My cousin Ruth put it best when she said that if you try to fill a cup with rice and then stuff a rock into the same cup and shut the lid, the lid can't be fully shut most times, whereas if you put the rock in first, and then all the rice, the lid can be shut nicely most times without much effort. She said, "The rock is God, and the rice is EVERYTHING else. If you try to fit God into the end of your day, it's going to be quite an effort, whereas if you put him in first, oftentimes everything else molds nicely around him." That's really stuck with me. That and the reminder from Francis Chan that we shouldn't try to fill the space of our prayer time hastily with words, but rather we should take time to consider WHO we're speaking to and then, once our mind is firmly set in the place of awe and wonder where it rightly should be, only then should we enter his presence and converse with HIM. So this morning, when 6:45 rolled around on my clock, my eyes popped open and I thought, "should today be the day I start really giving him my time in the morning... should I commit to waking up early and spending time with him?"...

My next thought was (and I'm ashamed to admit this, but it's as bare and honest as I can be): "But I sacrificed sleep for Caleb for the last TWO years, and only just now I'm starting to really get that back. And I sacrifice my whole day for my family... my time, my effort, all serving them most of the day" (let me say this is a LIE I told myself, of course I have tons of ME time, but I always seem to feel rushed and hurried, and so it feels like very little, and so I made up this lie, like the martyr I was imagining myself as).

Next thing you know, a voice, not mine, appeared in my head. I know it wasn't mine, because it used the wrong tense. Normally, when I imagine God's thoughts, they are spoken from my point of veiw (i.e. "yes, you do still love me... I know your promises". This was different. I heard:

"But I sacrificed EVERYTHING for you."

Silence.

Oh. Crap. I suck.

"You're so right God... so now what. What do I do with that time?"

I realized, as I realize now, I'm still not looking forward to that time. To waking before the break of day, and shaking off sleep not to entertain my own whims, but to spend time with him.

Is it really so much for God to ask for a half hour of my time? Do I really think that my days are about me, or that my purpose here is to entertain myself, comfort myself, or spend my time as I please?

And so tonight I asked God first for his forgiveness. Forgive me for not looking forward to time with you when so many have died or sacrificed all just to tell others about you. Forgive me for not loving you as I ought to. And then I asked that he change my heart. Mold it, shape it so that I yearn to spend time with YOU, Lord, and that all the spaces of my day I would want to fill with YOU. And I challenge you, reader, with the same. What are your priorities, how is your prayer life, and do you really know who you're talking to each time you sit down to pray, if you pray at all. I'm not sitting on a pedestal... as I said, I suck at this worship stuff, I just want you to think about your time with God, too. It's the most important relationship you'll ever have, and it's not about YOU. Just think on it, and feel free to tell me I suck if it makes you feel better :)

Why you should never let Sarah be your Bartender...

2011-01-17T16:58:00.002-05:00

Sarah typically stays by herself in her room and quietly plays during naptime at our house, as is necessary for my sanity since if she didn't she'd be shadowing me around for 2 hours each day asking me endless questions (that child wants to know about EVERYTHING... cute but tiring). And usually she has some wonderful surprise she's made up for me when I come in to get her... "Momma, I made a nest out of all our stuffed animals!," or "Momma I stripped the beds and made a tent for myself!"... it's all good, as long as she's entertaining herself and happy whilst I commence my daily business. Today though she made me do a double take...
Sarah: "Momma, I made you a drink!" (handing me a play cup full of some imagined concoction)
Mommy: "Oooh, what is it?" (as I pretend to take a hearty sip)
Sarah: "I made you a mix of coffee, tea, and a special ingredient... MUSTARD!" (Smiling proudly)

Um, maybe later darlin, Mommy needs to go pretend spit out into a pretend sink somewhere. It's the thought that counts though, right?

Sorry, you just hit Mommy's Panic-Button

2011-01-11T13:30:00.003-05:00

I'm known in my circles here at home to have a tough stomach. In fact, my friends in the Mom's for Christ playgroup have sorta told me I'm now the go-to gal for when their kids have questions about things they would normally shirk at, like what do grasshoppers look like up close, and what does a snake feel like. I'm totally used to going out in the back yard and finding and investigating whatever creepy crawlies we can find, oftentimes bringing them into the house to live a short while (I say short because typically they're poked and prodded to death by my critter-investigation team, sorry little Buggies). But there was this one time that my "eeeeeeew" limit was far exceeded...

We were vacationing in NJ with the in-laws, and my SIL Stacey was down visiting from their home in NH with her 5 children. Stacey and I are like 2 peas in a pod normally when we get together, and with both of us being homeschoolers it's usually like a tag-team event of who gets to teach the little ones for the next hour before you get to slump exhausted in a chair and let the other person take off with the 8 kids for the next hour. But this particular day, Micah, the oldest at 6 1/2, found a dead squirrel on the sidewalk. Of course, all the children thought this was AMAZING and rushed over to check out the poor critter like a bunch of drooling lawyers at a car accident. I lagged behind, allowing the girls and Caleb to run ahead and join the investigation, mostly because, well, I'm slow and lazy. When I came to the scene, I thought, what a neat way for the kids to learn about death, decomposition, and squirrel anatomy (it was fully intact, no guts/no blood, I was just looking at the neat features of their body... I wasn't aiming for an inner anatomy class), and then Stacey allowed Micah to poke the body with a stick.
Well, of course, then all 7 of the big kids soon were hunting around for sticks to poke the body with, and then, to my horror, were soon flipping the sad little creature about like a pancake on the sidewalk. I saw my kids creeping down to their hands and knees to get a better look, on the selfsame sidewalk where the squirrel just lay, and at that point announced, "ALRIGHT, that's enough... time for my kids to head inside" This was followed by a chorus of whines "Awwww Mommmmm! Whyeeeee? It's neeeeeat... weeeeeeee're not touching iiiiiiiiit!!" Stacey looked surprised and smirked, knowing I'd just snapped past my comfort zone. I laughed too a little inside, knowing that her kids would be out there quite a bit longer investigating, and knowing that the two of us were more than ok with the other person's choice because (at least I think) neither one of us would judge each other for their parenting choices, for the most part. But still, I had drawn the line, and my kids were dragged back into the house and ordered to "WASH AND SANITIZE EV-ER-Y-THING!!! And then wash again!" My toddler was wiped head to toe with germ-x and their clothes, though not burned in a bonfire, were washed about seventy-five million times before they were allowed to wear them again. Shoes were bleached, and kids were once again restored to a relatively germ-free state. This Mommy found her freak-out limit, and it apparently was reached in the handling of a dead rodent-style creature on the sidewalk. They'll just have to learn about death and decomposition on you-tube from their germ-free, sanitized bubbles :)

"I saw what your kids did to my buddy, and I'm comin after you!"

I love you, but you're killing me ssssllllooooowwwwllllyyy

2011-01-10T13:21:00.005-05:00

Dear Hannah...

It's me, your Mommy, the one who brought you into this world and nourished you and fulfilled most of your needs since birth. Yes, I know I'm also the dole-er out-er of spankings and the one who tells you to stop sucking your beloved thumb, but I'm hoping all that other stuff outweighs the latter points. But here's the thing, kid, You are slowly killing me. Or at least trying to push me over the cliff to crazytown.
You see, I was a child once myself in what you would consider a LOOOOONG time ago, and the family I grew up in ate meals together. When we did this, we would put the food on the table, pick up our utensils, consume the food and drink, and then the meal would be done. Usually quickly. Arguably maybe a bit too quickly, as I've seen instances where my father and I have inhaled whole seafood platters in so short a span as to have dropped our fork at the last bite just as Ryan and Poppop Barry were finishing garnishing and preparing to begin eating their meals. So yes, I know it's a slightly skewed point of view I have, but work with me here, I do have a point.

You have got consume your meals in a more timely manner. Just got to, I say. Every. stinkin. meal. is. at. least. an. hour. long. with. you. I applaud organization in most other fields of life, but really, must you make sure you slowly nibble the skin/crust off all items of food before beginning to actually eat whatever part of the meal is left? And must macaroni noodles really be slipped painstakingly one-at-a-time onto each tine of your fork before you can eat the whole bite? And, not to be too picky, but I'd really love it if you'd just TRY to eat food that is mixed together on the same bite rather than carefully separating each morsel. Or at least, if you have to do these things, can you do them faster please? And must each meal really be topped off with a half hour of me hollering for you to PUHLEEEEEZE drink your drink (we're only talking about 6 little ounces here!). I promise you, if you do not start to drink of your own free will you are going to dry up like a cute little pink raisin with a bow in its hair and a tutu on.

And baby, if you don't do it for yourself, to expand the amount of time you have during the day for fun stuff like play and TV time, do it for your dear loving mother, who is going to lose her shmidt if I have to wait one more minute for you so that I can finally clean up the kitchen and get on with my life. As it is, I have to wait for you to finish because it is a ridiculous, futile effort to clean up around you only to have you finish and scoot out of the chair, leaving in your wake approximately 40 lbs of crumbs and possibly (probably?) a puddle of spilt milk behind you on the floor. And, I'm really starting to look more and more like a drill Sergent each meal, hollering from behind you to "pick up that cup, Missy, and take a drink, NOW!" So please baby, no more making me count out how many more bites you have to eat or instruct you in how to eat a sandwich without nibbling the crust to death. You need to eat, and do it fast. Just get it done, suck it down, and move on with your life. Please. Before I lose my ever-lovin mind.

Love and kisses,

Mommy

p.s. I hope you know now why I break into tears when you ask for "more, please" after finally finishing your meal. They are not happy tears.

A Brave New World

2011-01-08T13:29:00.003-05:00

We are now a crib-free home. Today, sadly, we took down Caleb's crib and put up his new bunk bed set, given to us by my cousins Deb and Andy. The set looks great and is perfect for his room, but the only problem is it looks so grown up in there now. The crib set is gone, the diapers are hidden away in a drawer, his baby jumper and bumper set are no longer under the bed and it makes me a little sad. My boy keeps growing, and he's done so well with the new bed so far. Ok, so he's only had a nap in it, but he was so cute sitting there in the bed looking around at his big new room setup, all tucked into real blankets with a real pillow, and he didn't once try to hop out and go exploring around the room. The threat of spankings should little feet pitter-patter upon the floor might have helped that part. And yes, I am still watching him there sleeping on my little toddler cam, the one I swore I'd never get because, "we're becoming so ridiculously paranoid about our kids and what they do... I learned to sleep without someone watching me once upon a time, blah blah blah"... well that was before I got to worry about my own little darling sneaking out of bed and climbing ladders to upper bunks that are perilously high for someone with so little frontal cortex reasoning skills. Soon diapers will be a thing of the past too, and really as for that, none too soon, but I'll miss having a tiny tot who needs me 24/7. Then again, when it means I get to sleep at night and not wipe bums anymore, maybe I won't miss it tooooo much :) Adios little Bubby crib, bring on the big boy bed days and a whole new adventure!

Umm, no no and absolutely NOT!

2011-01-07T14:44:00.002-05:00

Ahh, love, it causes us to do many strange things for our little ones. I remember once at a photo shoot one of our wee ones, approximately 5 weeks old, started to look a little green and Daddy, rather than let her hurl on the lovely photo backdrop, stuck out his hand and caught the goo before it ruined her cute little outfit and cost us a hefty backdrop-replacement fee. And I remember the days of allowing my sweet boy to gnaw on my (second-favorite) girl parts like they were a rubber chew toy for the sake of good nutrition and getting a thumbs-up from the leleche ladies. But this one little gem I have to say is about the most revolting, never-gonna-happen-est product I've ever seen.

It is just what it looks like. A mom-operated booger sucker. Yes, Mom's around the world who are frustrated by poorly operating nasal aspirator bulbs can now order this wonderful little product and suck away their kids nasal congestions. The product description admits freely it's a "bit wierd looking" (ya think?!), but swears none of your little darling's green and crusties (or slimies, as the case may be) will end up in the tube connected to your mouth, but even still... EW EW EWDIE EW EW! The picture alone makes me gag.

I dare you to find a nastier product on the market. Dare ya, I say! As for me and my house, lets just add this to the list of fun gag gifts to get for my girlfriends during the gift exchange season :), cuz that's the only use I can find for this product.

Dear God, Please Stop Time

2010-12-31T16:25:00.003-05:00

I'm watching videos of last year on the dawn of the next year and I notice something. My little ones are growing up. Caleb's hair has changed. Looking at last year he still had the sweet angelic whisps of blond, uncut as of yet, and he still fell occaisionally and grunted to tell me whatever he needed. The girls are a bit pudgier than now, and still have a babyish lisp that makes them slightly tough to understand on video. And God, I know I complain alot... way too much, about life with little ones, but right now I want to stop and beg you to freeze time. No more advances, please.
My little ones still look at me with stars in their eyes. They still want to play games of Candy Land, and bake cookies. They don't know yet what "cool" means, and they still dress only for themselves. Artwork is simply for the sake of joy, no worrying about realism or coloring in the lines. Chores with Mommy are a reward, not a burden, and learning is an ecstatic process of ingesting new discoveries thru play. Christmas is a gleeful celebration of fun and song, not simply a wish list to be fulfilled or being drug to church by Mom and Dad. And Daddy is still the knight in shining armor, hailed by wild jubilation upon returning home from work. The mismatched clothes with tutus, glitter and glue explosions, the squeals of joy upon seeing a dog being walked down the street or the trash truck approaching, and the excitement over their daily gummy vitamin will all be so sorely missed if you choose not to grant my wish.
Sure, I'll get to see their scholarly achievements grow, and their faces mature in beauty, and greater independence dawn every day, but I can't bear the heartbreak of losing my babies. Already Caleb can talk and run and jump and torment his sisters in new ways every day, and the girls are learning so much about the world... more than I care for them to. So though I know you won't truly stop time... I'm hoping this blog will serve as my time capsule... and serve to remind me to appreciate each day and not long for it's passing, but savor each hug and dance and night night kiss. Thank you God for my perfectly perfect, wonderfully innocent, sweet little ones. May you guide me as I guide them and help me cope as they grow.
Your Loving Daughter,
Mel

From the Mouths of Babes...

2010-12-28T20:43:00.002-05:00

Sarah tonight at the dinner table was asked if she liked Daddy's new giant TV. This was her response:
"Yes! It's so shiny! Not dusty and dirty like the old one!"
Dangit Sarah, quit reinforcing Daddy's idea that I'm a bad housekeeper!

King of the "Nation of Woosies"

2010-12-27T13:20:00.005-05:00

"Dis mor yike it Mommy"

"Yay Cocoa!"
"I STUUUU-UUUCK!"

"Snowy"

Sarah's Snowball

The day after Christmas we got a snowstorm that rivals any in my memory. It began while we were in NJ visiting Ryan's parents, and while I was hoping we could ride it out there (they were expecting 10-20 inches there... would've been great to go sledding), Ryan insisted we drive home ASAP so he could run point for shutdown of his plant during the snowstorm, and he was very afraid we'd be stuck there in NJ for several more days. So we high-tailed it outta there, with me clinging to the car frame all the while like a nervous cat on the way to the vet, worried that we'd be stuck in the blizzard on rt. 13 with kids in tow. My worried mind kept thinking of scenarios where we'd be trekking thru the cold snow on foot, having surrendered our car to traffic jams of epic proportions, searching for "room at the inn", and having to sleep in the lobby of some over-packed motel in Po-dunk VA, all the while procuring umteen new species of bedbug to bring home. All I can say is thank goodness for in-car DVD's, because the kids had a marvelous ride and barely made a peep the whole way, all 7 1/2 hours it took us to get home. When we arrived home, we found we had returned to 13 inches of snow on the ground, with three kids squeeling to "PLAY IN THE SNOW" despite the fact that it was dark, bitterly cold, and time for dinner.

Now Hannah is my one child who MUST take a nap. I don't care where we are or what's going on around us, if that child doesn't take a break for a mid-day siesta, all hell breaks loose, and that's what we came home to last night. For some reason, she doesn't sleep in the car. Maybe it's the fascination with whatever movies are playing, or maybe it's just that she enjoys the scenery, but even when she was a baby she just would not fall asleep while we were driving... hardly ever, anyway. So yesterday her lack of a nap led to meltdowns of epic proportions once we got home. At one point while unpacking I found her despondant and weeping on the floor of the living room with her doll clutched to her chest: "Mommy, I can't find my Dolly's shoe!!! Wail!" Literally, I lifted the Dolly half an inch and found the shoe sitting under Dolly's butt. That signaled bedtime.

Then, this morning bright and early we had the kids suited up in their 14 million layers of snowclothes and off we headed to make snow angels and snowmen... well, ok, maybe Ryan spent the majority of the time shovelling walks, but he did it with a smile, so that counts as fun, right? They even made the snowman they so desperately wanted, though we all found out I'm a bit of a snowman nazi, insisting that everyone leave "Snowy" untouched after he was completed and hollering at little ones when arms repositioned led to breakage or their attempts to add snow caused him to teeter. Thank goodness Daddy talked me down and made me sit it out while the kids got to enjoy their creation a bit more.

Caleb was the only dissenter from the fun. He spent the entire time wailing "I stuuuuuu-uuck!" in a piteous voice, as if we had plopped him down into the Labrea tarpits, rather than the 6 inches of snow at the transition from the garage to the driveway. You know, after the snowfall ended, the Governor of Pennsylvania made the remark that we're becoming a "nation of woosies" because the game between the Eagles and Vikings was cancelled due to the oncoming snowstorm... well, if we're becoming a nation of woosies, I think my boy must be the king. Must be from my end of the gene pool... I'm with him, pass me a cup of hot cocoa and turn on a good movie... that's my perfect snow day :) It is so nice to see the girls having a blast, though.

Not quite Pavlov, but close...

2010-12-18T12:37:00.002-05:00

My kids are an excellent example of Classical Conditioning... you know, like how Pavlov once trained his dog to salivate at the sound of a bell? That's it. Except, instead of a bell, my kids are trained to the sound of a phone ringing... that is, whenever they hear a phone ring, something aggressive triggers in their little brains that causes a full-out smackdown resulting in tears and screams.
Another example: the moment hot food arrives on Mommy's plate and they sense my butt nestled happily in my chair at the dinner table, it signals their little tummies to HAVE TO poop... all of them, in succession, until my meal is one big blur of wiping hineys, gasping and gagging for fresh air, and then scooting people back up to the table in booster seats. For those un-initiated to parenthood, you may be thinking, "Aren't your kids 4?! Why not make them do it themselves?" The answer, my naive friends, is that 4 year olds can, in fact, wipe, but it's a horribly messy endeavor ultimately ending up in my having to scrub walls, sink handles, door knobs, and toilet seats, not to mention undies and hynies anyway... so I say why double (or quadruple) my work, when one quick wipe of the tushie saves me a full bathroom and child scrub down.
One more example, you say? Well lets talk meal preparation. I have my children fully conditioned to come to the dinner table at the sound of the smoke alarm. When that baby rings, it must mean Mommy's almost finished cooking. Yep, some day the firefighters are going to arrive at my house in the middle of the evening and find my kids seated at the table with fork and spoon in hand, and even a little drool...
Pavlov would be proud.

What I do all day...

2010-12-15T13:10:00.003-05:00

I feel that I should write today about what I fill my time with all day, since my dearest hubby seems to come home every day to a bomb and must be wondering what I've done, why it's justified that I bring no income into our home, and why the chocolate and coffee continue to dissappear in large quantities each day. Also, it would help to offset the reports our kids give him that would make it seem that we spend all day every day at playdates and on fun outings. And so, here it is, in one run on sentence (since that's how mylife feels).... what I did yesterday:

Wake up and hit the ground running, must find out and gather what supplies I'll need for school today, have my cereal and coffee, empty last night's dishes from dishwasher, and read 1 blog page (time splurge!)... put a load of bedding in the wash...wake/dress/diaper/brush teeth for all three kids and make my bed... rush them down and make breakfast and drinks for all three, start grinding flour for bread baking later, clean up after breakfasts, load dishwasher, sweep up (no. 1), notice hall is filthy and sweep it too... begin school: bible lesson, songs, calendar time, craft (ohmygoodnessamicrazy. whatwasIthinking "glitter!?")... intermission to sweep up lots of glitter and wipe glue off counters, children, and tabletop... laundry load #2 changeover...remove 2 year old from behind Christmas tree and rehang ornaments, silence tantrumming 2 year old with goldfish and milk snack, regather kids for math lesson, reading lesson and computer time... laundry load #3 changeover... (mind you, nothing is folded and all three kids' bedding are still either drying or sitting in baskets waiting to be put on the beds)... start 4 loaves of bread in the mixer with three kids "assisting"... wipe flour off three kids, sweep up the floor, set kids to work cleaning up the toy areas, then end up "helping" with most of it because I'm anal and nothing is in the right spots...
Shoo three kids upstairs and begin making their beds with clean bedding, make them clean up the toy area upstairs that they've trashed while I'm making the beds, yell for someone to "please-come-flush-the-daggone-nasty-toxic-toilet-and-stop-leaving-their-yuck-for-ME-TO-FLUSH!" Go back downstairs with kids, prepare lunch, clean lunch, feed self scraps of whatever I can throw together quickly, sweep floors, put kids down for naps.
AAAAhhhhh.
Knead bread dough and transfer to pans to rise 2nd time. Check email and facebook, begin balancing checkbook... crapcrapcrappity crap it didn't balance the first time! Go over math twice before figuring out that Ryan went to Sams last night and there's an extra deduction that hasn't figured in online, find the amount and balance checkbook finally. Change over new load of laundry #4. Watch 15 mins of the end of "Little Miss Sunshine"... looks cute. Begin heating oven for baking. Eat half power bar because I'M STARVING.
Rescue 2 year old hollering "MOMMA, WHERE ARE YOUUUUU?!" in crib and proclaim an end to naptime... get 2 other kids up and tell them to wait in the upstairs playroom... make/deliver snacks, get/read mail, begin baking bread, change poopy and throw the diaper on the porch till I have time to put it in the outer trash, return upstairs and start "Cars" for the kids. Remove fresh bread from oven, Finish last load of laundry to the dryer and look tiredly upon the 4 loads of laundry waiting to be folded sitting in baskets in the hall... Wipe 4 year olds' bottom.
While all three are watching "Cars" grab a shower and order the older two to make sure their brother doesn't kill himself or destroy anything in the next 20 minutes.
Aaaaahhhh... shower nice.
Return to playroom (begrudgingly) and begin folding laundry. Tell sweet boy I can't read to him right now even though he's bored (already?) of the movie. Tell him he can go play in his room. 15 mins later go check on the boy and find him sweetly looking thru his favorite books on his bed all by himself and decide to chuck the chores and read to my baby for 20 minutes... then begin folding laundry AGAIN.
Ugh.
Finish laundry and return downstairs with 2 year old to "assist" while I empty the dishwasher, wrap and stow 4 loaves of fresh bread, and cook dinner... cook, serve, clean up and fill dishwasher, sweep up after dinner, and begin knitting Sarah's poncho because she can't wait one second longer for me to start hers. Ryan arrives home 6:45 and kids clean up the downstairs toys and head up for bedtime routines... kids go down and we head downstairs where I wrap 70 gajillion presents for delivery to our sponsored family this weekend. Finish at 9 and watch a program with Ryan because you-can't-be-serious-if-you-think-I'm-gonna-play-wii-after-all-I've-done-today. I love my hunny, but I just don't understand how he can have energy to play video games at the end of the night that involve standing and pretending to play a sport. I'm pretty much good only for laying around and drooling on myself at that point in the evening.
Hope that sums up why, though, hunny. Gotta run, time to put the laundry away now, and I believe I forgot to throw a poopy diaper in the outside trash can... ew :)

No good deed goes unpunished...

2010-12-08T07:01:00.002-05:00

We had the Sandbridge Chapel Annual Tour of Homes last week, a benefit function at our church to raise money for various church programs, and Ryan and I volunteered to work in/run the cafe portion of the event. This year, Ryan ran the food prep/service area whilst I functioned mainly as the runner, which literally meant I was schlepping large quantities of food back and forth between the church and community center and literally running most of the day. It also meant wearing a hat and apron around for food safety, which apparently isn't a good look for me. At one point, trying to be nice, I stalled my run just short of the door in order to stop and hold open the door for a group of elderly gentlemen. Smiling, I waited for them to pass with my best "Merry Christmas" face on and an effort to stop panting from the constant running, when one of the gentlemen looked up at me and said, "What a nice young gentleman. Thanks again!"...
uh...
I walked in to Ryan's prep station and said, "I'll be taking that plastic surgery now, thank-you-very-much."

My little buddy is "Tuesday"!

2010-12-03T13:50:00.003-05:00

"Dis Nommy in my Tummy, Momma!"
Happy Birthday (belated for publishing this post, though) my sweet little buddy! Caleb turned 2 yesterday, and everywhere we went, when asked how old he is he sweetly and enthusiastically answered "Tuesday!"... and once again Mommy melted into a little puddle over his cuddly boy-ish cuteness. It's such a cliche, but they DO in-fact grow up way too fast. But watching him grow up, learning to pretend and play games with his sisters that he could not, hearing full, correct sentences come out of his tiny little mouth, and watching him conquer the playground is such a blessing to me. And he still loves a good cuddle with Mommy, so he's not too grown up... yet. Love you Caleb Michael... you'll always be MY baby boy. :)

Why my house is like the bermuda triangle...

2010-11-22T14:53:00.003-05:00

("My precious")

Things that are lost in my house, and (mostly) never return.

1. Kid toys...

There must be some law that after visiting a fast food joint, grandparents' house, or childrens' party, my children MUST come back with toys that Mommies would rather never have enter their house. They are either extraordinarily loud/annoying (i.e. the little Panda from Kung fu Panda that Mickie-D's gave us in our Unhappy meals that screams HI-Yah! when you move his arm), Dangerous (i.e. Yo-Yo's, things shaped like food that aren't food, and/or conversely, things that look like coins but are really chocolate and lead children to later taste more coins from Mommy's pocketbook) or Destructive (i.e. Bouncy balls, Bubbles- they look sweet and innocent but soon after opening result in a slimy mess all over child, carpet, & furniture and are somehow always swallowed... damn you Bubbles!).

Invariably when these things come into my home, they are fought over tooth-and-nail, held fast to ("my PRECIOUS"), and end up lost about 574 million times a day leading to tears, stained furniture, and/or gut wrenching pain as Mommy steps on them and re-discovers them.

No wonder these things dissapear into the void/trash can mere hours after entering my home.

2. Ryan's stuff- My husband is a pack rat hoarder. Seriously. I'd enroll him into one of those programs with steps, but he's too cheap to pay for it, and is in denial to boot. He expects me to keep and find a place for his crap, too, which is bad in two ways. First, when it involves documentation of sorts (such as bills, warranties, manuals to things... I hate them and invariably toss them in the dreaded boxes they came in...doesn't everyone?) it always comes back to bite me in the a-s. I know keeping important documentation for things, like, say, the deed to our HOUSE, is important, but I just can't see how we need to keep the 1 year limited warranty for our veggie peeler is that stinkin vital. But sure enough, 9 months after purchase, the damn thing invariably breaks in some warranteed-fricken fashion and Ryan hollers, "Mel, where's that warrantee?"... and I go and pretend to look in my big black file box for it and then fess up that "it's gone and I threw it away and I deserve to die for said crime but please, sir, show me some mercy. " This is followed by the "head shake"... Ryan has nailed a whole hour's worth of guilt trip with one simple maneuver.

Secondly, we have his stupid-crap-from-childhood. He has a whole trunk full of old army figures from his childhood and old MAD magazines, for instance. "They might be valuable" you say? Nay, I say. They are missing arms and have bent pages and such. Therefore, they are crap and must be "lost to the void". His ancient Nintendo is another example. While awesome for its nostalgic potential, with games, it takes up a whole laundry basket size space in my house, which is not ok... especially since Ryan will take it out only once every couple of years, then use it for a couple hours, leaving me with a vomitous pile of nintendo games, cases, wiring, and other associated mess to clean up after his semi-annual Nintendo orgy. THESE. MUST.DISAPPEAR. I'll get caught some day, but the peace I'll enjoy in the mean time is so way worth it.

3. Other Various Stuff Lost To "the Mommy brain".

This list includes things that I have lost over time due to lack of sleep and or the disturbed frame of mind that comes from having requests, orders, and whines thrown your direction 24/7 by small (and large) angry people who live in your house but don't pay rent. So far, among these things are counted untold numbers of sock-mates, whole tubs of baking supplies (sometimes later found in my closet or in the cabinet where we keep the movies), gallons of milk, a pizza cutter (my very fave pizza cutter... I miss it so... an awesome multi-tasker in the kitchen), remote controls, cleaning supplies, and bras (sometimes found in Caleb's toy box, thus continuing the saga of my boy's love of all things boobs, ew.).

My "I'll never" list...

2010-11-06T14:06:00.002-04:00

This was so not my idea... got this one from "Rants from Mommyland" but I'm too lame to figure out how to link it up so if you wanna read the origional post this is based on, googleityourfrickenself cuz' I'm tired and cranky and Caleb woke up early again, dangit. Anyway, here are the "I'll never"'s I swore on before I had kids...
1. I'll never count to three... pshaw... yea right. It really is magic. Really. I've even counted to a dog once shearly out of habit. They know when their butt's really on the line to watch out cuz' Mommy counts really fast when she's extra ticked off.

2. I'll never yell. HA! and HA again. I know one day DYFS (aka the Mommy Police) is going to show up at my door to check in on us because the neighbors are hearing me thru the walls and our leaky windows.

3. I'll never have children who don't learn to sleep thru the night early. - Caleb didn't sleep thru the night till he was 14 months old, and still doesn't about 40% of the time. Nuff said.
If you could hear his little toddler thoughts they'd sound something like "go screw yourself Dr. Ezzo... now find that lady with the boobies and the comfy rocking chair!"

4. I'll never have a DVD player in my car. That was before I found myself saying things like this: (also on my list of I'll never say THAT"'s)
"Stop touching her!"
"I'm gonna pull this car over, I swear it"
"Did you just throw your shoe at me?! Oh no, it's ON now kiddo!"
"Mmm-hmm. Thaaaaat's nice" (after being regailed by 30 minute rendition of a made up song about boogers and the apostle Paul)

Dammit- somebody find me a Barney and hit PLAY quick!!!

5. I'll never give them candy as a bribe. ... they now get lollipops as a reward for reading progress and a pizza party with ice cream for big accomplishments. Yay for that "not-reinforcing-food-as-a-feel-good-moment" thing Mommy. Suuuuuper.

6. I'll never use the phrase, "Time out!"... how lame is that, right? well, three kids later, I just put Hannah in there after her brother hit HER, so I could get some peace and quiet while on the phone with the cable guy. I can deal with her complaint and the resultant trial and punishment of Caleb afterward because if I'd have put him in time out I would have had to heard "all done timeout Mommy?" 8 million times from Caleb while I was on the phone.

7. I'll never bring them shopping with me at Walmart/I'll hire a sitter for them first. This is the most hilarious of my "I'll nevers" I remember seeing the poor mommies of 5 pushing their kids down an aisle with people hanging off every surface of the cart and invariably at least 1 kid wandering aimlessly in front of the cart screaming hysterically for some junk food item whilst Mommy stares off into her blissful happy-place looking as if she's had one too many shot of Jack before heading off in the family van, and I would think... "that will NEVER be me. I'll pay out the butt for a babysitter first"... Ha! That was before I found out you have to mortgage your house to afford a babysitter these days if you have more than one kid.

Do you have any "I'll never"'s?? Care to share?

Hannah and Sarah's plans for the future...

2010-10-18T20:59:00.002-04:00

(from the back of the car driving home from a night out at Panera)
Hannah: Sarah, when we're grown up, do you want to eat out with me E V E R Y night?
Sarah: OOh, yes. But first... we have to buy a wallet. And a credit card to go in the wallet.
Hannah: Yeah! A wallet.
Sarah: Oh, but you know what? We'll also have to get a new place to live. Cuz that's what people do when they grow up; they find a new place to live.
Hannah: I know, we'll live with Nonnie!
Sarah: Yeah, that's a good idea... if she's not dead then. Mom, will Nonnie be dead when we grow up?
Mommy: (Stifling a laugh) I certainly hope not.
Hannah: Oh yeah, and lets go camping every day.
Sarah: No Hannah, I'm only gonna camp when I want to, not when you say so, cuz I'll be grown up.

You here that Nonnie? You can't keel over for a long time, because otherwise, apparently, your grand-daughters will be homeless. And you might want to guard your wallet :)

Love... Hate

2010-10-05T08:41:00.003-04:00

Things I love:
Coffee- sipped leisurely with no interruptions, in my time, as prepared by me
Dark Chocolate
Naked baby butt
Novels- preferrably sci fi or period novels
Bones/crime drama
Ryan's cooking
Sushi
Fist/belly bumps during a workout
Hot baths
God-moments
Teaching my kids at home
Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream
Finally being able to do a pull up
A balanced checkbook (on the first try)
a clean house

Things I hate:
Cold meals- served to me daily because somehow as soon as my food is ready and hot my kids have finished theirs and need "something else", cleaned up, or have spilled something. Mom's never get hot meals.
Waking up early- meaning before 7:30 am
Whining
photo editing
cooking
cleaning house with kids in tow
my bad memory
babyhood slipping away
taking time to shower, shave, and do my hair
yogurt
cream of wheat or rice on a hard-wood floor
Ryan's sharp tongue when irritated
The fact that Ryan thinks he's always right
The fact that he's usually correct
cold mornings
stickers

What are your love/hates... any we have in common?

The boy knows how to get what he wants...

2010-09-20T08:29:00.002-04:00

When I went into Caleb's room to get him up this morning, his first words to me were this:
Caleb: "Cookie!"
Mommy: "No, baby, no cookies for breakfast... that's not good for you"
Caleb: "Cookie! Cookie!"
Mommy: (trying a different strategy) "No, we don't have any cookies. There are no cookies in this house" (sadly, this is too true)
Caleb: "Car! Get some! Car! Get some cookie!"

Gotta give him credit... the little guy knows how to get what he wants. He actually expected me to jump in the car and go to the store immediately for a cookie.
Much whining and gnashing of teeth ensued upon a negative answer to his request.

Preschool week 2

2010-09-15T13:14:00.003-04:00

Measuring body parts and charting them
Self portraits

Caleb's puzzles (Hannah's a great helper!)

Computer time!

Week two of preschool is almost done now and we're still hanging in there. It's been tons of fun so far, but also a lot of juggling, now that Caleb doesn't nap in the morning. We're spreading our learning out over the course of the 5 week days so that the actual school time is only an hour to an hour and a half a day. Usually, Mon./Wed./Thurs. are our longer school days, with Unit study time, math-u-see lessons, and Writing/Reading lessons, along with a simple music lesson on Thurs. instead of a unit study, while Tues. and Fri.'s are shorter, usually with just a reading lesson and a fun unit study activity. The first week the kids learned about insects, while this week, our Unit Study has focused on God's creation of Man, so we've been learning about what makes us special and unique. We throw in a trip out for playgroup or somewhere fun, like the zoo at least twice a week, also.

Caleb has been involved in almost every day's lessons... he loves to pray, participate in Calendar time (we go over the month, day, and date each day with an interactive calendar), sing the bible verse memorization song of the week (this week, it's Psalm 33:4- You can trust God to keep his promises), and whatever crafts we're doing that week. Then, when the girls are busy with tougher stuff, he likes to color (thank goodness he no longer eats crayons/markers), work puzzles, stamp, play with playdough, and goof around with counting/sorting bears. He insists on being at the table whenever the girls are there.

So as not to cast it in an unfairly perfect light though, there are drawbacks to school so far. First of all, Caleb wants to potty train (yes, I didn't want it yet... I like diapers... so convenient and easy, without running to the bathroom every 10 minutes), so every few minutes we're interrupted by his adorably cute but interruptive call to "POO POO!"... which may or may not result in said poo-poo. Anymommy would agree I guess, if you've seen her recent posts (LOVE HER!). Also, dealing with three youngsters at once often leads to a cacophany of requests, interruptions, squabbles, and general glitter/paper scrap disasters on my floor. And yes, I am anal retentive and MUST sweep the floor after such messes before the next activity. MUST. I cannot bear the thought of one of my little ones tracking glue residue or glitter from their socks onto my carpet. C-A-N-N-O-T. Wish I was more flexible, but it's not gonna happen.

In the end, though, I'm over-the-moon-gleefully-joyful over being able to homeschool my little ones. And teaching/attending preschool in your pjs just can't be beat. It is a great adventure I just can't wait to undertake further. So here goes... here's to many more fun weeks to come!

Got your nose!

2010-08-04T08:43:00.002-04:00

You can tell alot about a kid from playing "got your nose" (where you pretend you're taking their nose and show them your thumb between two fingers as if it was their nose)...
Hannah (at about Caleb's age): Laughed heartily and asked for more. Pretended to steal someone else's nose so she'd have a nose again
Sarah (also, when she was about 20 mo): Cried over her lost nose and demanded her nose back.
Caleb: Smiled brightly, leaned in, and bit my nose in an attempt to get a nose in return.
I love watching their different reactions to things... being their Mom is lots of fun!

Playing doctor...

2010-08-02T09:00:00.002-04:00

You know when your kid has been to the doctor entirely too much when he builds an otoscope out of tinkertoys. This is Caleb's first creation with tinkertoys that is representational, meaning it represents something real. Normally he sticks stuff together randomly, but today he walked up to me with this, stuck it into my ear, looked in the hole on the other end, and declared, "Ear, good." Then he walked around to the other ear, stuck it inside, and said, "Good!" Apparently I don't have an ear infection, which is great news! I'm going to make a doctor out of the little guy yet!

Another cute milestone

2010-07-13T13:04:00.002-04:00

Today Caleb began using "Please" "Thank you" and "You're welcome" in everyday, appropriate situations. The cutest thing is he says "peeeeez", "tink ooooo," and "wah-cum"... I forgot how precious it is when they begin to use those manners. It makes me want to pick him up and squeeze him to death with hugs and smother him with kisses. Esp. because he automatically says, "wah-cum" after he says "Tink ooo"... so for instance, after handing him a drink, I'll say, "What do you say, Caleb?"
"Tink-oooo.... wah-cum"
(Mommy melts into puddle of adoration)

On another note, the girls began going to vacation bible school this week at a nearbye church and have spent two days enjoying themselves apart from me. This morning they said, "Mom, we're going to have so much fun today, and you can't come, ok?" Part of me wants to be there for every ounce of fun and learning, and the other part is having a blast devoting my attentions to Caleb this week and is grateful they don't always need me right beside them. This is such a sweet season in motherhood, even if I do feel a bit batty sometimes.

One of my favorite milestones yet.

2010-06-01T20:12:00.002-04:00

The girls each caught their first fish camping this weekend!!! Those who know me know I'm a marathon fisher... I would fish all the time, day and night, if allowed, and so their first catch is a huge point of excitement for me. Ryan and I took the girls out fishing while Caleb napped in the camper... it was last minute right before leaving for home on Monday, and I really didn't expect anything, but they were begging for one last boat ride and try at a fish with their little purple Dora rods. Ryan and I each took a girl, and about the third cast in, Sarah caught a 4 in "sunny"... not much, but she reeled it in herself and helped hold it while I removed the hook, and then released it herself. Then, about 15 mins later, Hannah caught a beautiful 7 in brim... looked so good I wanted to let her eat it, but she too reeled in, held, and released her catch.
When we returned to the deck to tell Nonnie and Papaw about it, Hannah's report was that she caught a fish "this big" (gesturing her hands to indicate about a foot long), and Sarah's report was that her fish "was about as long as it is from the gate to that post" (about 5 feet). It was their first fish tale. Can't wait for more!

Work it on out...

2010-05-17T06:55:00.002-04:00

So we started P 90 x yesterday...
Honestly I have never been one of those ladies who thought it was necessary to work out so hard you want to hurl, but I did it last night. Count this as one more stupid thing Ryan talked me into in my life. I don't necessarily think I need a program bent on fashioning my body into something like Ms. Universe... I am a self-assured 130 lbs, and I don't think I look too bad. Ok, well, my bottom is a little bigger and saggier than I like, and my bo.obs... don't get me started on those... alls I can say is Caleb better be grateful and frickin' super-healthy and smart after my sacrifice of my ta-tas. But I'm doing this mostly for him. While I'd be content whiling away the nights watching Crime Drama (I can hear Ryan rolling his eyes out there somewhere... "oh-my-goodness-not-another-episode-of-NCIS!"), Ryan is a mover and a shaker, not content to sit too long (unless it's some mindlessly boring reality show about decorating or cooking that makes me want to go to sleep), and so this is my way of supporting him (dammit) and spending quality time with him. It's kinda fun, sitting side by side doing sit ups and yelling "Damn you Tony Horton!" at the TV screen together, in a wierd sadistic way. Well, at least we're doing it together, ya know? And hopefully it will bring me a little more energy and enjoyment of how I look in a bathingsuit this summer. We'll see... I may only last a week, or I may go the distance, but I'm not going to try to predict what will happen. I do know that Ryan better not say A THING about the further loss of my Ta-ta's for the cause. NOT. ONE. THING. MISTER.

For an hour this morning I was a kid again

2010-05-06T13:28:00.003-04:00

We broke out the pool and slip n slide this morning. The kids had such a blast. Caleb enjoyed pouring cups out over and over, while the girls splashed and splashed in the pool. Once the slip n slide came out for the first time, I had to teach them how to use it, which was HILARIOUS. Imagine chubby little belly flops onto the slip n slide, wedgie side up, with giggles galore. I even got on and joined in the fun a few times, which was like a time warp. For a moment, I was 7 again, slipping and sliding in the back yard and having a blast. I'm so glad we got them the slip n slide for their birthdays! I didn't get any good pictures, though... too much fun to stop and ask for poses :)

Oh Dear!

2010-04-29T17:54:00.002-04:00

So this afternoon, the girls were playing hide and seek around the house while I cleaned up after dinner. Caleb was running around chasing them and hiding behind doors and such trying to play along. Right before finishing, I noticed it was really too quiet around the house... no Caleb noises, so to speak. I asked Sarah if she'd seen him, and she responded no. I asked Hannah, and she replied that he wasn't hiding with her. So then I listen...

"Momma!"

(Sounding as if it's in a tunnel)

"Caleb, where are you?!"

"Momma!"

(again, tunnel-ish sound... I begin to look in closets where he's been known to lock himself a time or three)

"Momma!"

(Sound seems to be getting further away... I look frantically to the stairs, nope, no Caleb)

I look at the front door... yup still closed, but the sound is coming from that direction. I quizzically look out the door, only to find my 16 month old son wandering around on my front porch aimlessly, calling my name all the while.

I've been leaving my door unlocked starting at 5ish so Ryan can get in. That won't happen again. It seems I've got an escapee on my hands.

Farm Fun

2010-04-29T12:35:00.002-04:00

Sarah caught this one all by herself!

We (meaning I) took a day to play hookie from our housework and spent the day at Hunt Club Farms petting zoo today. It was a real blast. And yes, Aunt Stacey, we payed perfectly good money to do what you get to do every day :)

Enjoy the pix!

Four Years Old

2010-04-16T22:40:00.002-04:00

Can you believe those are my precious babies, now turning four tomorrow? Always 2 peas in a pod, they held hands even from the first days after being born. I loved sneeking up on them in the crib, always delighted by the way they would cuddle up to each other while sleeping. Nevermind that at about 9 mo we had to move them apart because they'd drive each other crazy... stealing pacifiers, sitting on each other, etc :)
And now they continue to grow and blossom. I'm so delighted to see how lovely my little ladies are. They have a beautiful love for Christ already, and their sweet faith inspires me to be better myself. They have learned so much in the past year... how to recognize letters and numbers, how to associate sounds with those letters, how to ride a bike (with training wheels), how to care for (and be infuriated by) their little brother. They play board games and work puzzles, they recite songs from memory flawlessly (better than I can), and they can play on the bigger parts of the playground without my having a heart attack. They now no longer scream and run fearfully at the mention of going in the pool- and even swear they're going to learn how to swim this year. And they continually surprise and delight me (with occaisional infuriation thrown in).
Hannah has had her share of tough times this year. Her asthma seemed to really worsen in severity. And we must have dragged the poor kid all over town trying to find answers to why she would occaisionally turn blue-lipped, complain of tiredness all the time, and tummy aches. But my goodness that girl is plucky. She has so much spirit and humor and wonderful cuddliness to her that it amazes Ryan and I. She has an amazing temper, and tends to blow her top sometimes just for sport, it seems, but in the next moment after she's always looking to crawl into one of our laps and get a good long cuddle, which she calls "loves" (as in, "Mommy, I want some loves")... often with thumb in mouth. We tease about how tough she is, too, in that when disciplined she has an amazing ability to keep a stiff upper lip and appear unfazed by rebukes. She has a thick skin, which is a great trait in this tough world, in my mind. Hannah loves to play games, thoroughly enjoys a good plate of spaghetti, loves singing songs (loudly and with the funniest changes in wording), and adores animals (unfortunately at times, because she's also allergic to them). She has also surprised me in her love of school this year. Though attention to and recall of things learned appear to be difficult for her at times, she really appears to relish and appreciate school, and tries so hard, often to the point of perfectionism, with all she puts her mind to. In fact, Sarah and I often have to soothe her during tantrums after a letter is not perfectly written and reassure her that it's ok to move on and try again rather than getting upset about imperfections. And the girl LOVES crafts. When school starts, it's "what are we going to make today"- she loves all things crafty. And also surprising has been her continued bond with Caleb. She is his guide and protector around here. She is quick to tell others how he should be cared for, and is my little helper whenever I need assistance with something for him, whether it be diaper fetching, feeding, entertaining, etc. etc. I really thought she would be the one who was jealous of him, but she adores her brother and we just love it!
Sarah has had a tough year, on the other hand, adjusting to having another sibling and sharing the attention with him. Sarah's love language has always been quality time, and she has been none-too-happy with Mommy's time being split three ways. She is a smiling, goofy, silly little young lady who also happens to be completely addicted to t.v. - I think she'd sell a sibling (or two) for the chance to watch t.v. more often each day. We've giggled over her new langauge this year, too, as she apparantly speaks "cat"- that's right, she speaks in meows when she's feeling her silliest. And she is so ridiculously curious. Sarah's word is "WHY?"- she must ask it a million times a day. But she's also very quick to pick up on new information. And technical-minded, as well... she can build some amazing things with just a jar of tinkertoys and some imagination. She is imaginitive in so many ways, as well, often leading the games of pretend, and often getting herself in trouble in equally imaginitive ways (i.e. having water-park-like escapades in the bathroom while supposedly handwashing). Sarah has a sensitive, brooding side, now too, in that she gets her apple-cart upset very easily by a look or a word, often leading to cascades of tears and loud sobs from hurt feelings. And when feelings are upset, we've also noticed a new tendancy to snap back and sass at Ryan or I, largely out of a sense of apparent righteous indignation at being rebuked for something she sees as perfectly ok. Her greatest loves are learning new things (esp. about the natural or mechanical world), playing games, esp. with Mommy, imaginitive play with Hannah, and riding her new bike. She loves Caleb, too, as long as he's not in the way :). I just love watching her figure stuff out and absorb information like a sponge, and she's a constant source of funny comments and phrases, often taken incorrectly from something she's heard from the adults around her. She's a silly, fun-loving spaztastic little girl, and keeping up with her energy is rough, but fun!
Happy Birthday my little darlings. Mommy and Daddy love you with all our hearts, and we always will. That's a promise.

Note to self

2010-04-15T19:43:00.002-04:00

Bathtime AFTER Spaghetti dinner. A F T E R.

p.s. Caleb finally learned to say "Cheese!" for the camera. It's the cutest. thing. ever.

Where I've been...

2010-04-07T20:44:00.003-04:00

Easter Sunday
On the Train

Stacey, Rebeccah, Micah, Eliahna, Hannah, Sarah

Havin' fun in the sun

Vroom Vroom

Well, I'm finally crawling back out of my hole after several MONTHS of my kids being too sick or too ornery to be able to take the time to blog. In the last couple months, Hannah's asthma has worsened to the point of her having to be taken to the hospital, the kids all had colds, then stomach bugs, then colds again, and Caleb cut 4 new molars... ok 3, but the fourth one is almost there, so the end is in sight. I've had a tough run as a Mommy, constantly juggling puke buckets, tossing tissues to runny nosed sickies, rotating doctor appointments, and following little ones around with hand sanitizer and a bleach bucket. But like I said, the end is in sight, and I'm finally getting to sleep most nights for more than 5 hours, and I don't have to sleep in the hall just so I can get to either kids' rooms quickly in the event of "waaaaah!" or "Mommy, I think I'm gonna throw up! Oops, I already did."

On the upside,

School is winding down for the year, so that I'm only doing it when we have a free day, i.e. the weather isn't sunny, warm, and we don't have other plans. It's been such a lovely year and I've LOVED teaching the kids. They've now learned all their letters, upper and lowercase, and alot of their corresponding sounds, all their numerals from 1-20, and can do simple addition problems (with help). That may not sound that great, but hey, I can look back at the beginning of the year and say, "wow, I did that! I taught my girls those things!" Neat.

We also recently had a lovely visit with Ryan's family, including getting to visit with Stacey & Daniel, and their lovely family of 4 (and 1/2, Stacey's 35 weeks pregnant with #5) kids. I wish we could see them more often, but we relish every visit. We went with Barry and Dianne (Ryan's parents), all the brothers and sisters, in-laws, and their 11 (and 1/2) kids- all under 6 years old- to the Strasburg Railroad in Lancaster County, PA, and had a fun train ride and visit to the train museum one day. It was just a fabulous time for all. The visit was so much the better, too, since we invested in DVD players for the car, thus silencing at least 2 of the 3 whines in the car on the 5 hour drive to Jersey and back. Paradise was, however, quickly lost after returning home and the next morning having Hannah puke all over the kitchen floor and Caleb come down with his cousin's cold. Oh well, it was totally worth it.

sorta.

So now we're starting to settle into "normal" life again, and preparing for the girls' fourth birthday in about a week. Sorry for the lack of updates, to the 2 or 3 people who read this regularly... hopefully you'll see this more often- assuming noone gets sick again and I get some stinkin' sleep. :)

Caleb's definitions- No. 2

2010-02-24T08:15:00.002-05:00

Imagination- Galloping out on your trusty steed with your handy sword-broom to vanquish the deck dragons.

Caleb's definitions- No. 1

2010-02-05T16:49:00.003-05:00

"Organic Cooking"

All natural and free of additives.

And it's just not the same without....

2010-02-02T14:26:00.001-05:00

Hot Cocoa, compliments of Daddy.

Snow Days

2010-02-02T14:07:00.002-05:00

I know every Mommy blogger in VB has a post titled similarly from the past couple days, but here's my 2 cents...

We got about 8 in of snow this week. It's been over 20 years since I've seen this kind of snow in our area, so we were all very excited to see all the white blanketing our home on Saturday. We've had a great time, romping out in the snow for the past three days. I told them today that they better make the best of it since it's not likely to stick around much longer. Caleb got a few minutes out in it, but after standing stock still in the snow for about a minute, he promptly threw himself down and had a fit over who-knows-what (scared of the white stuff, can't move, whatever). Then we put him on the girls pink Dora bike at the entrance to the garage and that was enough to placate him for a while. He hasn't been out since Saturday, though, because he's been sick with a fever, poor little guy. Here are some pictures of the last couple days, though, including our micro-snowman, made of a couple of snowballs and some Juniper twigs. I told you guys in NJ that we'll pretty much make a snowman out of anything here in VA, just to say that we did it. The snow's been too powdery for anything better than that, though my neighbor cheated and made a nice 4 footer using a spray bottle to make it stick together :)

My own Mr. Belvedere

2010-01-11T14:23:00.002-05:00

I was feeling a bit upset and dejected today after spilling an entire bowl of rice on the floor... the sparkly-fresh, newly-cleaned floor near my refridgerator, when Caleb came toddling towards me (predictably) to investigate the mess. I quickly shooed him away to prevent him from trying to eat the mess, and I told him to go play whilst I grumpily began sweeping up the mess. He waddled off, I thought to go play, but returned a minute later and melted my heart.
He had gone to the closet and pulled out the girls' toy broom, then returned to the kitchen and proceeded to "help" me sweep up the mess. He took his little broom and started pushing it every which way in an attempt to do exactly what I was doing. My thirteen month old. He was then covered in smushy Mommy kisses for being the sweetest little boy ever.

Welcome to raising a man, Mommy.

2010-01-07T21:56:00.005-05:00

We've been teaching Caleb to recognize and point to his different body parts... a skill his sisters had mastered by about this time, too. Both girls at this age could point to their tummy, toes, facial features, etc, without difficulty, much to our delight. Fast forward to Caleb, and I'm seeing the difference between how the male and female minds work. If you ask Caleb to point to his belly, he points to his pe-nis. His toes... he sticks his feet in the air and... grabs his pe-nis. His nose... you guessed it- pe-nis. Yep, he's definitely got the mind of a guy.

(p.s. the extra dash you see in the word of the day is to make it difficult for any old joe blow surfing the net and searching for blogs with dirty content to stumble onto my happy family blog, Mom, in case you were wondering).

We'll keep working on the body parts. At least he's getting closer to finding his toes.

I'm One...

2009-12-10T09:22:00.002-05:00

-Laughing at me means "do it again," so unless you're prepared for me to stick my finger up your nose a million times in a row, you better keep a straight face
- I get enough energy out of eating a half cup of milk, a chunk of styrofoam ball, carpet lint, and a handful of cheeri-os to fuel me for HOURS, so no need to keep trying to feed me that crap you eat all the time.
- I do not have time for diaper changes, so you may as well let me go commando or your going to have to have the energy to put up a good fight. Maybe you should go chew on a styrofoam ball a bit first, Mom.
- I think veggies are best for decorating the kitchen walls.
- I confidently defy gravity (as long as Mommy is there to catch me by the leg) as I launch myself off couches.
- If you pass a door, you better be prepared to take me outside or I'm pitching a fit.
- When you kiss me, just remember, I just licked the diaper pail, so that's what that funny smell on my lips is.
- I am the cutest human being alive, and don't you forget it!

Why I need to work harder at teaching the kids...

2009-12-10T09:14:00.003-05:00

We've been working on a unit on trees for school, and it's been great. There's just so many interesting lessons that can come from this subject, like learning about all the neat things made from trees. I thought things were going swimmingly, until Ryan asked the kids a review question tonight at dinner...
"What are some things made from trees?"
"Plastic!," my not-so-attentive darlings shouted.
Ryan's response, "Baby girls, next time Mommy teaches you something new, maybe we might want to fact check her first." (As Mommy rolls her eyes at Daddy)

New Photos

2009-12-01T21:02:00.004-05:00

Mom took these photos recently. I think I'm in love! I could look at them all day with stars in my eyes over how cute my kids are... gush, gush.

Happy Birthday to My Sweet Boy!!

2009-12-01T14:13:00.005-05:00

My baby is 1 today... time has flown by so swiftly. He's gone from a squirmy ball of diapered squeals to a silly, smart, sweet little boy. He toddles around the house now, so proud he can walk, and even talks a little. No, he doesn't say "Momma" or "Daddy," but you show the boy a dog or a duck and he'll shout it from the mountaintops that he knows what they are. And for his first birthday present to me he decided to sleep thru the night... all the way thru from 7 to 6:30, and he's even playing happily in his crib right now rather than fussing for attention right away. Let's pray that one sticks. Thankfully, despite the day, he's still a baby to me in so many ways. Like in the video, he still prefers Mommy over most foods, he's still baby-cuddly, and he's still got that adorable innocence I want to hold onto with everything I've got so it won't slip away. Bubby-boy, we love you with all our hearts and ALL of us are so glad you're a part of our little family. Happy first birthday, little man.

New Recipe

2009-11-11T19:57:00.002-05:00

Tonight I set out to make spaghetti for my little brood while waiting for Ryan to get home from work. I chopped the onions and peppers, opened the can of mushrooms, and defrosted the beef, only to find out that we're out of crushed tomatos for the sauce. Sooooo, I got out the kidney beans and stewed tomatos and cheese to add to the mix instead to make a concoction we've put together before which is served over macaroni noodles or penne... then I found out we were out of both noodle staples. Sooooo, out came the rice. Ryan phoned a moment later to say he was just getting out of work and going to be late. I told him what I was putting together and warned him not to get his hopes up about dinner because I was inventing a new dish. I described it and said I thought it was going to probably be nasty, but it was a hodgepodge of all the ingredients we had left in the cupboard until he can get to the store. He then replied, "Oh, I know what that dish is called!"
"You do?"
He said "Yes, it's an old recipe that has been made by mothers for children all over the world... it's called, 'shut up and eat it and pretend you like it'."
When the dish was served, the kids asked what it was called, and rather than tell them what Ryan suggested, I told them the dish has no name, and offered to let them name it. Hannah brightened, "Let's call it 'Frank'!"
And so, Frank it is.

Who's da Man?!

2009-11-11T14:12:00.002-05:00

Caleb has finally learned how to get the upper hand on his sisters... yesterday Sarah decided to play in the laundry basket, and before you know it he had crawled up on top, and perched himself proudly. He was tickled to death at trapping big sis beneath him. Did Mom swoop in to save her little darling girl? Nope, I grabbed the camera :)

Suuuuper Hannah!

2009-10-22T16:59:00.002-04:00

On the ride in the car heading toward home:
Hannah: "Look Sarah, I made the sky blue!"
Sarah: "How?"
Hannah: "You just wink your eyes like this" (Squinting)
Sarah: "I can't do that"
Hannah: "It's neat... look, see the sky is blue now"
Sarah: "GENIUS!" (Laughing and shaking her head)

Hah!

Bizarre Foods

2009-10-18T08:45:00.002-04:00

This month seems to be Ryan's month. He just cracks me up when he's in charge of the kids. He's an awesome daddy, but he does things very differently than I would. Food, for instance. Me, I make mac n cheese when I want my kids to have a special lunch. Meanwhile, Daddy had the kids yesterday, so he did it his way. He took them to the Asian market, purchased some bluefish, then served it to the kids. Not so wierd... but wait... he served them the WHOLE fish. Head and all. I got home and was regailed with stories of how my sweet babies ate fish eyes, cheeks, and head parts... EWW! And to top it off, I had to look impressed rather than disgusted because who am I to disdain a dish often considered a wonderful delicacy in other countries? I want them to have varied palates, but this is just SICK!

Growing up

2009-10-13T07:07:00.003-04:00

Caleb had a banner day yesterday. He said his 2nd and 3rd words (1st was Dog, but only because Daddy heard it... it's never been repeated for me), which were "Kix" and "Ball"... my son practically lives off the breakfast cereal Kix, and while the girls were playing keep away with their ball with him, he said "Ball" over and over, sending the girls squealing with joy at their having taught him a word. Also, he started standing on his own unsupported and even tried to take a step (unsuccessfully). He's getting so big and reminds me more of a boy and less of a baby every day. He has 7 teeth now, going on 8. What a sweet, cool kid, and so self entertained. Sometimes I have to go looking for him during the day when he's downstairs because he'll just head off on his own to play. It's really so neat to see him growing!

Why Ryan Rocks...

2009-10-11T20:57:00.002-04:00

My hubby is batting a thousand these days. We celebrated our 7th anniversary on Friday night (our anniversary is really on Monday, but who celebrates on a Monday?), and he took me out for a lovely dinner at a fusion tapas-style restaraunt in Portsmouth that served the best food EVER (called Still, for the local readers). We got to take a nice walk downtown afterwards in the beautiful fall air, then after getting into the car we noticed the radio was playing our wedding song- too cool. The night could not have been more perfect.
Then, on Saturday I had my first day back at work... I was sooo nervous about leaving Caleb for the day since he's super attached and still won't take a bottle. Then, when my workday extended from 6 hours to 8 hours due to unexpected evaluations I needed to write before leaving, I was so worried I'd come home to a screaming baby and a frazzled Daddy. Moreover, when I got in I found my kitchen spotless, fresh home-made donuts on the table, the kids were getting out of the tub while Ryan was dressing a freshly-washed Bubby-boy (what we call Caleb). Come to find out, the day went perfectly smoothly... so much in fact that I had to ask myself if it's just me imagining that my days with the kids alone are really that hard (to which I answered myself, "duh, yes!"). Ryan ended up making a pudding (as only Ryan can) out of Caleb's formula and feeding him that mixed with fruit, which he apparantly loved because when I got home looking forward to feeding him he only wanted a snack from Mommy, leaving me asking for someone to find me another hungry baby so I could get the milk out (I detest pumping!). The girls said they had a great day, too, and loved making donuts with Daddy. I had to laugh because my Hubby can't just settle for simple things- no, he goes all out and makes donuts, and not just the frosted ones, but frosting-filled gnasch-topped ones and cinnimon twists. So way to go Daddy, you get several gold stars for taking excellent care of my little ones and letting me come home to a clean house, too! Add dessert (donuts) to the mix, and you had a happy Mommy on Sat. night.

How an engineer dries hair...

2009-10-04T20:17:00.003-04:00

Ryan bathed the girls tonight and dried their hair afterward... I caught this pic - Ryan's commentary..."I was just trying to speed up the drying process"

He said Sarah's hair dried twice as fast after Hannah's hair was dried. It was a really cute moment. Look at Hannah's face, like a puppy trying to figure out something strange it's seen- "Mommy, what's the deal here?"

Cookies

2009-09-25T14:38:00.003-04:00

My kids really know which side their bread is buttered on. This morning we've been really busy, so I wanted to take a nice break and have some fun, and offered to bake some cookies with them. They got really excited, but then paused. "Mommy, are you going to make cookies like Daddy does?" "Yeah, sure... sorta. Well, I can't promise it'll be as good as Daddy's, but I'll try."

So we baked the cookies and they had a great time. Unfortunately, though, 3 out of the 4 dozen had to be thrown out because they were terrible! I'm not sure if I forgot an ingredient or just haven't calibrated the oven right to change over to convection oven settings, but they looked like flat soupy-in-the-middle and burnt-on-the-outside-and-bottom messes. They actually had holes after baking... what kind of cookies have holes in them?! The girls' follow-up commentary: "Mommy, can we make cookies with Daddy next time instead?"... sad thing was, I couldn't take offense because they were sooooo right. I need to leave the baking up to Daddy.

Sandy Screamers...

2009-09-15T14:53:00.005-04:00

We headed to the beach today. I had promised the girls they could go all summer, saying that once it cooled down and the big kids went back to school they could head to the beach. Well yesterday I gave them a choice; they could head to the beach or the Botanical Gardens, and they enthusiastically chose the beach. Thus far, they've been to the beach less than a handfull of times, and each time they refused to even approach the water and screamed bloody murder each time we attempted to creep near the shore. Since the last time was over a year ago, though, I hoped for better luck. NOPE.

We met with my buddy Holly and her preschool age gang of cuties, Linda, Ryleigh, and Jack, who all LOVED every minute of their time there. Caleb enjoyed himself, too, and I learned that to babies, sand must taste much better than their baby food, because he was loading it into his mouth hand over fist! First we played at the park structure at tenth street, but we headed to the shoreline at all of the kids' insistance (including mine), so I was hopeful. Alas, as we approached the water, they dipped their toes in for a moment, showed a fleeting smile, and then Hannah lost her balance and landed on her butt in an inch of water. They then BOTH then proceeded to scream bloody murder and throw a hissy fit as if we'd dipped them in acid. We never did get Hannah into the water (except for the few moments I tried the "just throw her in and let her see it won't kill her" approach... unsuccessfully), but Sarah did allow me to hold her hand whilst she clutched my leg for dear life... she stayed in for about 2 minutes and then announced she was done, too. They sat there in the sand watching their three friends and Holly and Caleb and I play for about 20 minutes, after which time we ate lunch up on the boardwalk.

So all told, they spent about 30 minutes at the park structure, much of which was spent in either time-out (Hannah) or begging to go in the water, less than 3 minutes in the water, and the rest of the time either eating or sitting watching others have fun. After loading them in the car to go home, their first comments were:

Sarah: "Mommy, I wish we could spend all day long at the beach"

Hannah: "Yeah Mommy. Someday we can go back to the beach again?"

Huh? We're these the same children sitting screaming on the shoreline just moments ago?

Fat chance, kiddos... as they say, fool me once...

Maybe next year. Thanks to Holly and the kids, though, for meeting us. I don't think I could have managed the three without their help, and I'm really glad her kids had a great time :)

First day of school!!

2009-09-09T14:53:00.002-04:00

Those of you who know me really well know I am so stinkin' excited about this... we started homeschool preschool yesterday for the girls. We're using the Horizon's curriculum by Alpha Omega and so far, I love it. It centers the entire week's learning around a bible lesson and a key bible verse... this week, it's Genesis 1:1. The girls are learning about creation, the letters A and B (this is more of a refresher... we get to the phonics lessons in a couple weeks after a quick breeze thru recognition of the letters), the no. 1, as well as learning their address, 911 procedures/safety lessons, and lots more. We're having a blast so far. I think the girls really enjoy the focused attention from me and the special activities that go with each lesson. They (unprompted) thanked God for school yesterday before dinner, and that just made it all worth it. I really hope they continue to enjoy learning and school. So far our only trouble spot has been keeping Sarah's energy under wraps during circle time, as she fidgits most of the lesson more than she listens. I'm going to try to incorporate that energy into more action/drama during stories and explanations, though, and hopefully that will help. Hannah, who is normally a stubborn learner, seems to really enjoy this format so far, too. Above is a picture of them with one of their first projects, a letter A formed out of kix and cheerio cereal.