Friday, August 28, 2015


By far, the funniest person in our house is Caleb.  Sometimes he means to be, sometimes it's just natural, but by gum that kid makes me pee-my-pants giggle almost every day. It's a good thing, too, since by nature he is also infuriatingly slow to perform almost any task asked of him, loses anything his fingers touch, and has a tendency toward foolishly-unintended dismemberment of our favorite household goods.  In fact, I've often said to Ryan that while in some ways having a boy is just what I expected (for example, I knew there would be broken things and an infinitely greater amount of movement in my house), Caleb sort of threw me for a loop when it comes to other things I expected when I found out I was to be blessed with a son.  For one thing, I really thought I'd have a boy and that at this age (6) he would be outdoors more often than indoors.  Then my boy came along, and I have never met a child who finds nature quite so repellent.  He would rather be upstairs building Legos than outside exploring the great outdoors any day, and hardly stays in the pool for 10 minutes at a time before declaring "I'm cold!"  and heading for the nearest patch of sunshine to warm up.  I also expected more rough-and-tumble-y-ness, but my Caleb yet again shocks me often with his sensitive nature and his frequent complaints of any ailment he can dream up.  Just yesterday he wandered up to me mumbling, "Ugh,  I just can't explain it... my right wrist just aches today."  In fact, due to his legendary hypochondria, he complains of more aches and pains and ailments than an 85 year old.  But despite his gloomy complaints, he also brings me such sunshine with his humor.  He's a master communicator for his age, so much so that many of the things that fly out of his mouth are shocking to be heard coming out of such a little guy.  And let me tell you, he communicates aloud EVERY. THOUGHT. IN. HIS. BRAIN... all through the day.  The other day he walked up, finger pointing to the sky as if to gesture "Eureka!" and announced to my parents, Ryan, and I that "I invented a new color!"
"???" was our reply. Then, "I'm pretty sure you can't invent new colors."
"But I did!  It's called Klawn!"
"Ok, well what does 'Klawn' look like?"
"Oh, that's easy!  It's the color you see when you close your eyes!"
"Bub, that's black.  There's not a color."
[Unswerved] "No, there's different shades of black, and the one behind your eyes is called 'Klawn'."
"Okiedokee, Buddy... Klawn it is." (He provided the spelling, as well).
Shortly thereafter, once we'd stopped giggling over his announcement of his triumphant discovery, he ran back up to us with another proclamation...
"Sorry, Bub, but this time we KNOW that there's already a pencil."
[Again, unperturbed by our assertions that pencils exist...] "Not this kind!  I sharpened this stick (brandishing freakishly sharp stick) and then I found some charcoal and rubbed it on the point and IT REALLY WRITES!"
We had to hand it to him... he did indeed make his own pencil.  We also had to take it away because he is famously dangerous with sharp things near human beings.  Or animals.  Or bugs.  Or inanimate objects.
He's also got a hilarious tendency to be completely unaware of things related to his wardrobe, which is surprising because many of his imagined maladies have their root in his lack of care for matters of hygene.  Today he was complaining of a funny feeling in his leg and walking funny.  When I examined him, I found that for the past 4 hours he'd had his underwear on backwards and failed to notice until 11 am when apparently it began to chafe a bit.  He has also complained of leg or foot pain a few times before only to be told that it's necessary to wear matched shoes and not put clean socks right on top of the dirty ones when Momma tells you to put on clean socks (because your shoes will suddenly feel too-tight, Caleb).
In all, I enjoy my little guy so, and I'm so glad God blessed me with a Momma's Boy to treasure and snuggle up with... especially since God made him so entertaining, as well.  Now if I could just get him to slow down with the narrating of every moment of his life and let me have a few quiet moments! ;)