I'm One...

-Laughing at me means "do it again," so unless you're prepared for me to stick my finger up your nose a million times in a row, you better keep a straight face
- I get enough energy out of eating a half cup of milk, a chunk of styrofoam ball, carpet lint, and a handful of cheeri-os to fuel me for HOURS, so no need to keep trying to feed me that crap you eat all the time.
- I do not have time for diaper changes, so you may as well let me go commando or your going to have to have the energy to put up a good fight. Maybe you should go chew on a styrofoam ball a bit first, Mom.
- I think veggies are best for decorating the kitchen walls.
- I confidently defy gravity (as long as Mommy is there to catch me by the leg) as I launch myself off couches.
- If you pass a door, you better be prepared to take me outside or I'm pitching a fit.
- When you kiss me, just remember, I just licked the diaper pail, so that's what that funny smell on my lips is.
- I am the cutest human being alive, and don't you forget it!