Saturday, November 6, 2010

My "I'll never" list...

This was so not my idea... got this one from "Rants from Mommyland" but I'm too lame to figure out how to link it up so if you wanna read the origional post this is based on, googleityourfrickenself cuz' I'm tired and cranky and Caleb woke up early again, dangit. Anyway, here are the "I'll never"'s I swore on before I had kids...
1. I'll never count to three... pshaw... yea right. It really is magic. Really. I've even counted to a dog once shearly out of habit. They know when their butt's really on the line to watch out cuz' Mommy counts really fast when she's extra ticked off.

2. I'll never yell. HA! and HA again. I know one day DYFS (aka the Mommy Police) is going to show up at my door to check in on us because the neighbors are hearing me thru the walls and our leaky windows.

3. I'll never have children who don't learn to sleep thru the night early. - Caleb didn't sleep thru the night till he was 14 months old, and still doesn't about 40% of the time. Nuff said.
If you could hear his little toddler thoughts they'd sound something like "go screw yourself Dr. Ezzo... now find that lady with the boobies and the comfy rocking chair!"

4. I'll never have a DVD player in my car. That was before I found myself saying things like this: (also on my list of I'll never say THAT"'s)
"Stop touching her!"
"I'm gonna pull this car over, I swear it"
"Did you just throw your shoe at me?! Oh no, it's ON now kiddo!"
"Mmm-hmm. Thaaaaat's nice" (after being regailed by 30 minute rendition of a made up song about boogers and the apostle Paul)

Dammit- somebody find me a Barney and hit PLAY quick!!!

5. I'll never give them candy as a bribe. ... they now get lollipops as a reward for reading progress and a pizza party with ice cream for big accomplishments. Yay for that "not-reinforcing-food-as-a-feel-good-moment" thing Mommy. Suuuuuper.

6. I'll never use the phrase, "Time out!"... how lame is that, right? well, three kids later, I just put Hannah in there after her brother hit HER, so I could get some peace and quiet while on the phone with the cable guy. I can deal with her complaint and the resultant trial and punishment of Caleb afterward because if I'd have put him in time out I would have had to heard "all done timeout Mommy?" 8 million times from Caleb while I was on the phone.

7. I'll never bring them shopping with me at Walmart/I'll hire a sitter for them first. This is the most hilarious of my "I'll nevers" I remember seeing the poor mommies of 5 pushing their kids down an aisle with people hanging off every surface of the cart and invariably at least 1 kid wandering aimlessly in front of the cart screaming hysterically for some junk food item whilst Mommy stares off into her blissful happy-place looking as if she's had one too many shot of Jack before heading off in the family van, and I would think... "that will NEVER be me. I'll pay out the butt for a babysitter first"... Ha! That was before I found out you have to mortgage your house to afford a babysitter these days if you have more than one kid.

Do you have any "I'll never"'s?? Care to share?

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