Monday, February 21, 2011

Out of touch

I've noticed I am becoming more and more out of touch with the world ever since leaving work to stay home with my little people. I used to get a newspaper daily and read it cover to cover, but soon after having children, I noticed my $90 a year subscription was being used to quickly read thru the front page headlines, skim the obits for names of former patients who've passed, read the opinion page and break into a small soap-box-y tantrum, and check out a comic or two. This took all of 5 minutes total, but in that time my children would invariably stage a coup and I'd find cabinets opened, chairs overturned, burners running on the stove, and someone somewhere would be covered in diaper creme. And so I had to give up and relinquish my subscription, probably for the good because lately it seems people who still pay for the paper are telling me it's just outdated news anyway.

Now my news is viewed only thru the myyahoo ticker, and if I have time to click on the story for more info, sometimes I can read quickly enough to avoid my children overthrowing me as leader of the house and installing themselves as dictators of Johnsonland. And forget TV news programs... by the time the cute-and-cuddly's are down for the evening, I'm pretty much only good for sitting around drooling on myself. If a meteor was hurtling toward Earth, I think the only way I'd know about the crash course is because my Mommy would call me with her Henny-Penny voice (also used for whenever the weatherman sends out a tornado watch/warning notice), and even then Ryan would be in the background all "it's probably just a shooting star outside... you know it's never as bad as your parents think it is." Someday a tornado really will hit us unawares just for saying that, I know Mom :)

But for the present, there are some things that when I hear about them, I have to be all, "Huh?" because I really have no idea what's going on in the world... such as

-What's the difference between all these stupid phones and their operating systems? What happened to getting by with a few hundred minutes and a texting package? What is an app?

-Who the heck is Amanda Knox, and why does anyone care that she looks like some other teeny bopper actress?

-Is there some kind of solar storm out there? Will it kill us like in that Nicholas Cage doomsday movie, or will it just slow my internet connection EVEN MORE?!

-How was ANYONE surprised when Miley Cyrus turned into Hollywood's new bad girl? Did you really not see it coming? Because, like I said, I'm pretty out of touch, and even I saw that one on the horizon.

The list could go on, but then again, how could it really go that far, since, like I said, I am soooooo way out of touch, and couldn't tell Kate Middleton from Kate WhatsernamemarriedtoTomCruise. I could, however, tell you how many times PBS kids repeated the Bear Hibernation episode of Cat in the Hat this week, or how Tolee the Koala learned to deal with his toy Panda getting dirty in the pond. I could tell you how many servings of fruits and veggies my kids got today, and how many days it's been since one of them has pooped. I could tell you how many of my girlfriends are pregnant and what their due dates are. But as for whatever Mr. President and the folks in congress did yesterday, I'm a blank. Maybe someday I'll be more well informed, but for now, it's back to the trenches for me because naptime is almost over :)

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